Tuesday, March 30, 2010


So the kid has a cold. It's a coughing, running nose, headache thing that the entire household and it seems the world has.

My work has it, so does my ex and his family, both Aaron and I have it. My best friend's kids have it. It's horrible. UGH!

So I took some medicine at work... Pamprin was the only thing I could wiggle out of people. Going around cubical to cubical asking people if they have any drugs makes me look like a loony, so I asked my favorite medicine girl. I owe her a bottle of midol from my last period though.

It did shit, absolutely shit. I was sitting there with a bigger headache but my cramps were gone! Blepf. So another girl gave me some aspirin, old school aspirin that actually said it right on the pill. I took one. Was high as a kite for like six hours. Took the other, was giggling at customers. It wasn't a bad high, I didn't see any dancing unicorns or anything, unfortunately, that would of made work a little more tolerable. But I was happy, my headache was gone and I could stand people the rest of the day.

Mind you, I didn't do this on purpose. I didn't know the reaction would be like that. I'm not intentionally getting high at work. It was an accident. Aaron will never let me do it again. Me being happy, while he's being a miserable bastard at work? Never again!

So after I got home, my baby is coughing like a 60 yr old chain smoker. I give him some meds. He hates the shit. I tell him he can have a sip of his apple juice if he takes another sip. A chaser at three? Why not. He asks me to take a sip too.

Omg. This is the most horrible crap I've ever tasted. It's like stale orange juice with lemon and something else. It tasted mediciny and disgusting.

I checked the expiration date on it, it's legit. I just bought it a few months ago before cold season hit, thank god he only really got sick once and it was a stomach bug.

Tomorrow we're going to the store and picking up better tasting shit. Because after having to swallow your snot all day from your sinuses running, you wanna taste something better to make you feel better.

He's asking for bubble gum flavor. Yummy.

Weird shit

Weird thing have happened yesterday…

1. I cleaned my house. Like… ALL of the laundry is sorted, folded AND put away. *GASP*. I found a few things of Darrell’s baby clothes. Two things I’m keeping though, one onesie that I almost slept with last night. And a Thomas the Tank Engine shirt that belonged to his brother when he was a little. Gotta keep the cute stuff.

Trust me the whole experience made me a bitch. When Aaron came home from school, he let me sit, gave me coffee and let me find my brain again. Trying to clean with a three year old in the house is near to impossible. I’m sitting there, with a mountain of clothes, trying to fold, sort, whatever, and he’s deciding to use it as his own personal climbing adventure. With his shoes on. Gah!

Everything was done yesterday, although my kitchen still looks like I never touched it. But that’s what always happens when I wake up not so-awake and cook a full breakfast.

2. I get a phone call from my grandmother randomly, saying that some lady in Derby has my high school ring. I’m asking myself when did I lose it?

I’ve lost so many things over the past four years, I’ve begun not to take inventory of my personal belongings anymore. Just so that I can tell myself “it’s in a box somewhere”. I’ve moved 8 times in the past four years, not counting the two times that I was homeless. Things have gotten lost, stolen, thrown out, left behind, repoed, taken by the sock fairy who is a kleptomaniac. A lot has been broken up between myself and my ex. When I moved into this apartment though, I went through EVERYTHING. (But I still have things in my storage unit). Threw out a lot, gave away a lot, gave back everything I could find of my ex‘s, planning on burning my wedding pictures this summer (Naw, I’m not gonna do that. Probably put them in a box in a closet, with a note, never to open this again).

So anyhow, back to my class ring. My grandma gave me this number, and I called it. I was all expected it to be some crazy pedophile or something looking for a million dollars. I went there. Behold, it was a firefighter. The irony kills me in this situation. The old man was very nice, asked me a bunch of questions I was afraid to answer (are you married now? Where do you live now? Why did you live here? Etc. etc) Thanked him nicely and left.

My high school ring represents a time where things were innocent. I had the most na├»ve mind in the world. High School wasn’t so great for me though, especially my senior year, but it was still one of the best experiences I’ve had.

Now this ring is never going leave my finger.

3. I realized my social life is gone.

Like completely GONE. It took a vacation to florida and never came back. Or the kleptomaniac sock fairy took it. I don’t know which.

I went to visit my friend Jake at my old job, and he literally said, I haven’t seen you in months. MONTHS??? Okay.. This is bad.

So in April, I’m going to throw Aaron a half-graduation party. It’s only half because he’s getting his two year degree, still got a year and a half to go. He doesn’t know about it yet, no it’s not going to be a surprise, I just thought about it a few hours ago.

A party will get my social life going again? Right? Probably not. Fixing my work schedule will though. Yes, I’m back to that. Blah. So I’m determined to get it rolling again. Revive what is truly mine. Something that I use to have, on a daily basis, and now is rusting in the garage. (I don’t have a garage though, that’s the sad part).

Saturday, March 27, 2010

On my mind...

What’s been on my mind a lot lately? My ability of being a parent.

I know I’ve written about this before, repetitive paranoia. Well it’s not really the ability of me being a parent. It’s me wanting to have a job that gives me the ability to be a better parent.

Right now, picking my son up so late is getting on my nerves. I want to put him to bed at a regular hour, I want to be able to spend some time with him, maybe even have a late dinner and then play some. It’s not a horrible request, it’s something very normal.

But my life is far from normal.

So to bring normalcy to life, I asked work for a change in scheduling. I’ve already been told by two people that it’s nearly impossible due to what team Aaron is working on. If I don’t get this change… I don’t know what I’m going to do.

I don’t like changes, I don’t like life being unknown. Yes, yes I can’t predict the future. But if I have a good understand of what’s to come, then I can sleep a little better at night.

Like, for about 2 weeks now I thought that I didn’t have Easter off and that I had to work. Checking my schedule for next week, I find out that I do have it off, Aaron doesn’t…

Darrell is going down to his father’s grandparent’s house for the weekend. I’ll probley either ask to come in or go up to my best friend’s house. The idea of spending a holiday alone irks me. I’ve never done it before.

So in essence, I just hope that everything works out okay. That life can be planned and thought out instead of wondering things. And maybe I can get some more sleep.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

35 Things to do this summer.

Buffalo New York is a cold desolate place in the winter time. The only thing that really keeps us going is beer and hockey. I'm not joking either. If I had to guess, 75% of people in Western New York have seasonal depression. Were miserable, freezing buffaloians who decided for some god awful reason to stay in this area where snow is falling from Halloween to Easter. But then it finally melts, which it has, the sun comes out. People get a little less homicidal and we start planning on the summer.

Our summers are our trophies sort to speak. We have a enormous amount of festivals, fairs, parks, places where we can get enough sun to look like Brook Hogan in just a few weeks.

So I decided to list some things to do this summer. Mind you, this is my own personal list. Things that I want to do with my family. If you do want to explore more, Artvoice, a local newspaper wrote an article last year 100 things to do for the summer. It's an article from 2008 but it's still valid for many reasons. I grabbed a couple that sparked my interest, and the dates on the Artvoice list doesn't apply to some of the festivals. But they're yearly, religiously even, so check it out on Google if you need to.

  1. Erie County Botanical Gardens
  2. Albright Knox Art Gallery
  3. Buffalo Zoo
  4. Buffalo Museum of Science
  5. Strong Museum of Play
  6. Erie County Fair
  7. Go to the Taste of Buffalo
  8. Buffalo Italian Festival
  9. Allentown Art Festival
  10. Eden Corn Festival
  11. Go see Toy Story 3
  12. Mudpies Childrens Museum
  13. Explore and More Children's Museum
  14. Explore a farmers Market
  15. Even better, to go a farm
  16. Have a picnic
  17. Go to a Ballgame
  18. Go Bowling
  19. Learn Yoga with the kiddies
  20. Go to the Beach
  21. Lay Beneath the stars
  22. Grow something
  23. Make a Bird Feeder.
  24. Decorate a clay pot
  25. Fly a kite
  26. Spend a day at Niagara Falls; Maid of the Mist a must.
  27. Go to a drive-in Movie
  28. Take a boat ride through the Canal Locks in Lockport
  29. Visit Graycliff
  30. Collect Fossils at PennDixie
  31. Visit Lilydale
  32. Pick your own berries
  33. Go Wine Tasting
  34. Visiting the Corning Museum of Glass
  35. Go Putt Putt Golfing

Day off

So Day off Part II

Beautiful day outside... Haven't gotten dressed yet... BUT

  • The living room is clean
  • The floors have been swept
  • Darrell's room has been cleaned (as good as it's gonna get without organizing it)
  • Every surface has been cleaned
  • Kitchen floor has been moped
  • Bathroom is clean

Now... I'm FREAKIN' Exhausted.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

The Weather SUCKS

Yesterday was my day off...

Did I do anything productive? No.

Half of the dishes were done, half of the laundry folded, I didn't get out of my Pjs until probably 2pm.

I'm pissed off! I was so looking forward to taking Darrell to the playground and let him let loose. Run around and scream as much as he wants. Instead he had to do it inside, which drove me crazy.

Tomorrow is looking better. Thank god. I told Darrell a week ago that spring was here.. and now it feels like October.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

I am exhausted

Two days of work and not enough Darrell makes mommy a crazy lady.

I worked Saturday and Sunday, my normal days. Only saw my son for a few hours on Saturday morning. You'd think in 48 hrs I could get a lot done? Nope. I went grocery shopping but Aaron had to put the groceries away while I went to work.

Darrell spent the time with his dad and grandparents. They took him to the circus and bought him new toys and a movie. Doesn't this make mommy feel like an ass?

I'm not trying to compete with my ex, in no way. Just, I don't want to feel like I'm letting my son down or something by not buying him new toys or taking him to events like that. I would love a weekend off, to go frolicking with my son, take him to something somewhere. But I've gotta work. Not that I choose to, I'm not one of those moms who work because their bored at home. I have to work. My work schedule is mirrored by Aaron's because 4 trips to Buffalo a day is alot of money in gas that we don't have. Aaron's work schedule is that way to float around his school schedule. Full time student going for his 4 year degree in Political Science. To have a better future so that one day, some day, we don't have to rent anymore, we don't need to live pay check to pay check and maybe, just MAYBE someday, we can afford a house.

Why do I want a house of my own? So I can start my own business and live the way that I want to. I want to take a day off sometime and just play hookie with my son. Sit on a park bench and eat ice cream on a Saturday. To be able to take him to school, pick him up and then go to any event he has that week. Be involved in his life.

Ya know I got denied his birthday off at work? Now I have to find someone who is off on Sunday, the day before memorial day, who is WILLING to switch with me and is also off on Wednesday. Or I'll be sitting at work, miserable and pissed off, because my son is turning 4 and I'll be missing it. Just so that I can keep a roof over his head.

So I'm off of my soap box. Time for bed. Time for sleep. Ughfck.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

When he was young

When he was young, I was.

I had my son at the tender age of 18. Slightly by an oops and slightly by a oh my... There was no doubt in my mind regarding this child of mine. Scared hopelessly beyond belief, I entered motherhood. For the two years, I had his father holding my hand. Telling me along. Letting me know when I was doing right or wrong. But then it happened, and I was alone with him. Not completely alone, I still lean on his father for certain things. It was horrible, I was horrible.

Now... is a different story.

My little boy getting so big, and he's so bright. His words, his actions, his looks, when he sleeps. It scares me that my little boy is going to no longer my little boy. In a year he's going to into school...

Now... I can't live without him.I work a full time job with odd hours, his dad takes him when I can't. When I can, I love it. No matter who's around or what were doing, I love it. I try to come up with as much stuff to do with this little man. What he can do and learn.

I finally get down and play with him, more than I have his tiny 3 years of life. I build castles, he builds me our home. We draw pictures of kitty and fire trucks and little men. We go for walks and get juice whenever the weather is okay. We build snowmen and forts. Hide when the birdies visit. We take drives, and look at the different buildings next to the road. Red one. Blue one. Pink one. We build forts in the middle of the living room, put a TV in there and watch a movie. We hide under the covers and tell each other the "monster" is having a snack.

Now, I'm not afraid. I'm not fearful of this beautiful time with my son. For this time, is the greatest.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Pictures.. past... trips... yey

I went and visited my best friend yesterday and took the opportunity to be a camera whore with the kids. I don't have that many of my niece and nephew, I feel guilty. Hell, I don't have that many of my son.

Thinking about it, my parents were camera whores too. I have four LARGE boxes of pictures, all of my younger childhood, my mother's entire life from beginning to end, my brother and his father. A lot of freakin' pictures. Imagine trying to catalog all of them. I gave up though, there just in boxes. Eventually I'll go through all of them and return what isn't mine.

I'm planning a trip to visit my former town of Penn Yan this summer. I go every June on my mother's D-day, I try to though. This time, I have a mission. I'm getting in touch with some of my mother's friends.... maybe I should bring the boxes... ???

Anywhoo, this was complete random post. I apologize. Enjoy the super cute pictures of the kids... and of course my son won't smile like a nice normal boy. Boys will be boys.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Move over Martha Stewart... here comes Katie! .... maybenot.

I've made cakes before... brownies, casseroles, a turkey for the first time in November... now I'm on to pastry.

It was good... to me anyways. Aaron gobbled his down. Darrell didn't touch his. I don't know why, it's sugary goodness. But it's a start, simple Apple Turnovers.

Darrell did something amazing today. I know, I know, another mother bragging about her kid. But if you knew him, it is amazing. He got dressed all by himself, he wanted to get dressed. Usually this kid wants to sit in his Pjs all day. But he asked for a change, retrieved his clean clothes from his room, didn't let me in his room and came out with everything on, including shoes. No distractions. I'm wondering if there's a button on this kid, where whenever he feels like he wants to be mischievous, he presses it. And then all other times, he's good.

I asked him where he was going, he said no where. Ok...? So why the shoes? Me on the other hand, it's 1:15pm and I'm still in my pajamas. Well, I'm waiting for the dryer to finish with fresh towels. But it's no excuse.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Clocks Forward

Picture from here

At 2:08am dis-morning, yes I am up that late, I was talking to my best friend on the phone. SUDDENLY, something horrible happens. I lose an hour of sleep. HOW CAN THAT HAPPEN? This resulted me waking up late, seeing that Aaron had to take off for an emergency, everything is in disarray.

My life is controlled by time. I'm not kidding either. I wake up at a certain time with my son, in order to get breakfast and what-not then get him over to his father's at a certain time. Then I need to be at work at a certain time. Then my work is controlled by how long I'm on the phone, when my breaks are, and then I leave at a certain time.

The only good thing about this, is that shit that's on the ground. It's white, fluffy and cold is going to be GONE in a few weeks. Yey!

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Little men

My son loves to draw. To paint, to create. He can sit there for hours playing with his crayola wonder pens. I honestly believe that those little markers are the best invention for mothers of young children. Especially little boys that don't like to listen.

He draws little men. He won't name them, even though I give them different names he just scolds me and tells me that it's his little man.

Darrell's inspiration doesn't stop at paper though, many times I have found him hiding behind the couch or in a corner... drawing his little men on the wall. Not all of his art supplies are color wonder. That's where Clorox is my best friend.

But today, he decided to take his men with him. Wherever he goes. Until the soap takes him away.
Good luck little men

Friday, March 12, 2010

Same old same old

Life being calm for me is actually a really good change. For years, I'm not exaggerating, it's been chaotic and ridiculous.

Darrell is spending the next couple of days with his grandparents, despite everything, I don't really mind it. His great-grandparents are coming from a couple of counties over to visit. Considering that he sees my grandmother every week, I think it's only fair. He really loves spending time with his Dad too. His hero. My ex is a firefighter, a good one at that. He lives and breathes for this stuff. The wailing of a siren perks him up from the deadest of sleep. My son is the same way, for the first few years of his life he grew up sleeping to the fire scanner. After a while, he started remembering the tones for his dad to leave. It's amazing that a 11 month old can wake up just as well as him to get to a call. To little though to fit into bunker gear.

St. Patrick's day is not going to be huge for us this year. I'm half Irish but my family really doesn't celebrate it as much as other S. Buffalo families do. I'm doing it the lazy way for the first time and making Corned Beef and Cabbage. The S.O. loves the stuff, I remember soggy cabbage and really sour beef. This was back when I was about 11-12 though. So hopefully my tastes have changed.

Some other things are going on right now with a few dear friends of mine, more or less extended family. All I want to say as of right now is just pray for the children, they've been through so much in so little time. Hopefully they come out of all of this well.

P.S. The S.O is the significant other, per my previous post I didn't feel right calling him my boyfriend. His actual name is Aaron. That's more simple, eh?

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

And thus it begins...

For years I've been writing in journals... dozens are in boxes for proof. I've dotted off and on with the online blog scene. Slightly hesitate due to the non-privacy of it all. Now I've decided to keep with it, writing down my thoughts and feelings on life, love, my child, work and the world in general. There will be a lot of opinions here, so please be respectful.

If you don't know me already, my name is Katie. Good start to it all, huh? I'm a young mother of one, Darrell Alan. Little boy of three, I call him my sunshine. The light to my world, that might seem unhealthy but with everything that I've gone through the past few years, he's the first best thing that's ever happened to me.

The second best thing that's ever happened to me is my... I don't really know what to call him. I believe it's to childish and highschool-ish to call him my boyfriend. Life partner? Soul mate? Person who puts up with me? You pick, he's it. I don't even want to think where I'd be today without him. Probably six feet under. He's picked me up literally from the street and has made me who I am today. Giving me the hope and encouragement to become a better mother, a better friend and a better person.

I'm not as judgmental as I use to be, I still have my criticisms. But it's at a global level now. There is so much WRONG with this world, I don't even want to start. I know I am only one person, I know that only a handful of people actually care what happens to the next generation. But it's important, what we leave behind is what our children have to pick up, some which their lives depend on it.

So on a happy note, this is what's beginning. A new blog. Will it stay? I hope so....