Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Gravity - Falling from Earth.

So this is what happened. I'm going to make this as short as possible because it's been a few months and my head hurts.

So party at my house. Honestly, it was great. From what I can remember. Tequila and Jack Daniels do NOT go hand in hand together. I got hit with a bottle rocket in the face and don't remember it. Bad huh? Well, I realized how much of a mess I was getting into.Sober words are drunken thoughts. My now ex came home and ordered everyone to go home. All so that he can sit on the couch and drink by himself. We ended up going to a fireworks show (No, I wasn't driving). Came back and talked a little. My ex said a few choice words, ended up leaving with the car for a little while, and me freaking out thinking he was going to get into a accident.

I know that it's not politically correct to start talking to another guy on a nightly basis like I had been. It was more of a "I know you like me, I'm just trying to keep this friends, ya you're a cool guy". One day, I basically said ketchup this, I'm going to do it. At my best friend's son's birthday, we talked, we kissed, we fell in love.
I tried to calm it down, but my heart and brain just wouldn't let it happen.

I let my ex know how I felt. What happened, the whole sha-bang.

It was more a decision that I felt that he didn't want to be in my son's life. It really had 95% nothing to do with what happened or that I fell in love with someone else. I know it seems like I'm making excuses, but it's more of that situation, you have to be there to understand.

My ex and I since the beginning of May have been talking about nothing more than work. We work for the same company, see each other everyday. The romance died. I talked to him countless times about the fact that I didn't want to go home, and talk about what happened that day at work. It would be different if we worked on different floors, or different departments, but we don't. When we'd go out to dinner or some-place out on a date, that's all we'd talk about.

The part about my son. I confirmed this the other day, he wanted to come home and have my son go straight to bed. Now, I don't work a early shift. I get out about 9pm and pick up my son around 10, then go home. I would like to spend some time with him before bed, but my scheduling is going to change soon. I asked him why he wanted him to go to bed as soon as we get home, he stated that he wanted some peace and quiet and not have to deal with him.

That confirmed it. What I've been feeling for years. When we first met, he told me he didn't want kids. At that time, I didn't want anymore either. But things changed, and I just started wanting to have another. He stuck with his decision, and then some.

With "him" because I don't want to disclose his name just yet. It's utterly amazing. Basically, I need to tell him to get out of my head sometimes because we think so alike. He's older than me, a divorcee like me. Has two kids, wants another one. Loves my son to pieces and would do anything for him. The reason why I know that this is something that he's not just doing to please me, like the ex, is because he's known my son longer than I've known him. An acquaintance of my ex-husband. When I say it's a small world, it's a really really small world, especially in Buffalo.

So that's the drama of my life. I'm happy finally with someone completely no drawbacks or second thoughts. We're getting an apartment in November and starting our life together. I know it looks like I'm jumping from one guy to another but if you have that feeling with someone, like gravity, you can't just let it go.

I just can't let him go.