Friday, April 30, 2010

It's Summer

We have the pleasure of living in the midst of suburbia and country life. A couple of miles from our apartment is the closest mall, and a couple of miles the other way is the county fair and greenhouses.

 You know it's summer in these parts when the red signs come out and random people start breaking for no apparent reason. That's until you look at the side of the road and see a beautiful rocking chair or a nice basket. Then you start breaking yourself, inadvertently pissing off the people behind you until they see the rocking chair. Before you know it, a dozen people are glowing over this chair, and then making bids with the owner. The owner themselves, just wants to get rid of it for any cost.

It becomes warfare mid-July, instead of being Saturday 10am to whenever, it's Saturday 6am first come, first serve. People wake up their loved ones before dawn, bruising marriages along with it and then venture out into the unknown. Sometimes getting lost and ending up 30 miles from where you intended of going.

Then you hit the jackpot, the little hoarder on the outskirts of town. The little old lady who never got rid of that antique tea pot collection or the vintage mason jars from the 20's. You recieve all of the little knickknacks and furniture on a dime that you've been hunting for. Making this entire ordeal seem somewhat reasonable.

Until you look at your wallet... and your gas tank.

Wish us luck, along with myself, venturing out into new neighborhoods, and getting that steal. Pray for our marriages, where we bicker over the silliest of things, the 70's Pepsi truck that has enough lead to kill a person or the coffee table with the broken leg.  And thank god when we return, with stories to tell and a little piece of something that almost got lost.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Thirteen Thursday - Is she really that crazy?

Smile and Wave &; Shop Dirty Laundry had both done a "about me" post in the past couple of weeks. The questions didn't look to incriminating so I'll have a go of it.

1. When do you feel happiest?

Laundry is completely folded, all the paperwork is done and finished, dishes out of the sink, house is swept and cleaned. Not Martha Stewart clean but organized and squeaky.

2. How do you take care of yourself?
I’d like to say that I spend 2-3 hours a day exercising and walking but I don’t. Work likes to keep me late… very late. Summer is coming so the days of me getting off my fat ass and taking care of myself is soon.

3. Are you internally (by yourself) or externally (by others) motivated?

Motivating myself means thinking of others. I’m not being all Michele Obama but to get up in the morning and get things done I need to think of my family. This, this and this needs to get done so that this and this person can be happy and comfortable.

4. What do you do for fun?
Hanging out with great friends.

5. What intimidates you?
Change. I don’t like things changing.

6. What is something you're proud of?

7. Finish this sentence. I never _____________ have tried Chai Tea. Is it good?

8. Favorite vacation spot.

The entire state is beautiful, warm and comforting. Reminds me of my childhood, NASCAR races and spending time with family.

9. Today is a (rate from 1 - 10). 8 I've gotta work but It's a nice day out and so far, it's been pretty good.

10. Finish this sentence. If you knew me really well you'd know I’m actually a blonde *GASP* Not dirty blonde, not strawberry blonde.  Straight Gwyneth Paltrow blonde.

11. Favorite hobby?
This. Meeting so many extraordinary people in the blogging world and learning their story.

12. Favorite TV show?
Ghost Hunters.

13. Make up your own question. Post it on your board. I'll love to see what others come up with.  Don't forget to comment!

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

One awesome giveaway

This one completely struck out as something beautiful and great for mother's day.

To Enter this Giveaway, head over to Nomie's EcoWare where you can go head of heels over some of the things on her site.

Also, if you're just interested on seeing what else they have. Check out Aveamour for other great things that she's creating. I especially like the simplistic one. 

Monday, April 26, 2010

The question of the century, SAHM or WM?

I could not do those heels! 

With Mother’s day approaching us, and the future on my mind, I’ve been thinking a lot about the difference between Stay at Home mothers and Working Mothers. The stresses that both jobs bring upon a woman and the differences between the two.

I honestly can’t find any statistics for 2009 after the economic downfall when families begun to rethink their finances and their future. How many mother’s had to decide to go back to work or how many have decided to weigh it out, hoping for the best. In my case, I’m looking for a little of both worlds. Working from Home.

The debate between SAHM and WM has been the talk for the past 20 some odd years. The economical standpoint of it all is mainly, can you afford it? Both ways. The cost of daycare has risen in the past 5 years, at an average of 300-500 dollars a week. Low paying jobs don’t give you an option of a daycare onsite, so you’re stuck with either paying for it yourself, having a trusted family member watch your children, or receive public assistance. The last, I’ll explain the uproot of Western NY in a bit.

The cost of commuting, business clothing, and other expenses weighs together on is it really worth it? For some people, most people, they have no choice. The idea of getting an extra 100 dollars a week after the cost of going to work is worth more than not having a paycheck at all. For others, it’s a choice. Going forth on their careers, maybe the children are in middle or high school where they’re more independent after school to take care of themselves. Or maybe they just enjoy their jobs that much, personally if I had my dream job as a journalist, I wouldn’t think twice about not going to work.

Then the debate on staying at home. Raising your own children instead of someone else doing it. I know this sounds harsh but the 9+ hours that parent’s aren’t around their children really do affect them in a profound way. The influence of the daycare workers and the other kids influence how your child is raised. Their ideas and philosophy’s bring on a different view of life other than your own, if they don’t co-exist, then this can be a problem.

I give major kudos for both Working Mothers and Stay at Home moms. In the 4 years that my son has been alive, I’ve been both. Working a full time job and trying to maintain a household is extremely hard. On top of that, my partner is going to school full-time. It’s all in the balance, and the time management. We do certain things on some days and other things can not be doing during the days that we work. Our social life and holidays are based on our work schedule.

Being at Stay at Home Mom, I had the pleasure of seeing my son’s first crawl, walk, and talk. The first milestones of a long life ahead of him. Patience and learning how to not go insane was the first things I learned. I couldn’t just not plan anything on a daily basis just like working outside of the home, I had to have a game plan or everyday was boring and no structure.

So here’s the question of the century. Which one do you prefer? Working from home? Staying at home and not working? Or working away from home?

Are there anymore options that I missed?

Also, I found this quiz to determine your “Mom Paycheck”. Don’t we all wish we could get this in our mail each other?

Friday, April 23, 2010

Second one

A few weeks ago coming back from my best friend’s house upstate, I ended up having a weird conversation with my son.

Honestly, I kinda wish it was the birds & the bees convo, but it didn’t quite go that way.

Mommy… I want a baby sister.”

Insert- My heart Drop.
Insert- The boyfriend’s face go entirely white.
Insert- Ultimate silence.

Maybe in a few years dear” I look over to the boyfriend carefully, hoping not to see him dead or wanting to duct tape my son’s mouth shut.

But I want a baby ssssiiisssttterrr….. Ppppleeeeaaassseee???!!!” 

In a few years dear, not right now” I felt like I was talking about going to school or a new toy.

But I want one NOW!

It takes a while, I just can’t pull over on the side of the road and pop one out.

But why not?


This comes to the idea of having another baby and many many talks with Aaron. The idea to him is off and on. Sometimes he’s cool with it, other time’s he’s not. Especially after a tantrum from Darrell. Sometimes I’m cool with the idea, 100% there. And then other times, I’m not. Like after a hard day at work, or after a bad day with my son.

Honestly, I do. The whole baby craze has driven me a little crazy. I’m seeing a lot of my friends from high school, a lot of my co-workers and just people in general have kids. (Angelina on her 7th?! ) But seeing other people getting pregnant really a good reason for me to have another one?
Probably not.  But there is still a twinge.

The age thing is there, especially with Aaron. I’m only 22, but he’s getting up there. I know I don’t want him to lose his wild years but at the same time, I want him to be able to enjoy being a parent. Not having a half heart attack.

The age thing isn’t just for Aaron and I either. It’s also with Darrell. To far apart, to close together? What’s the freakin’ difference… well my brother and I are 10 years apart. It’s not a pretty thing.

Lastly, finances… the money… the big pot. I don’t want to work when I have my next, and if I do, it’s going to be at home. I’d rather work from home and make my own hours then have to put our child into daycare. Nap time ten times a day, boobie time in front of the computer, babies have a tendency to be quiet if you let them… maybe.

But looking at this.

Definitely makes my heart melt.

So… if you have the option. Would you have another child? Bring another piece into your family?

P.S. There’s a TEST that you can take to decide whether or not your ready for Number 2. I’m upset that it didn’t include the question- “Are you ready to be fat again?”

P.P.S. This was the best straight forward list I could find that didn’t make you think children were gifts from the devil.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Thirteen Thursday

Happy Earth Day! In celebration of today, I've included 13 ways you can do something for the Earth, as well as your wallet.

1. Recycle and Reuse. There are so many easy things that people can do to reuse every day things. Keep your glass and plastic cans from pasta sauce, coffee tins, etc. Organize you’re grains, pencils, little knick nacks that get tossed around the house.

2. Buy thrift instead of brand new. Sometimes you have to, like underwear. But other times, instead of buying a $50 pair of jeans from a brand name store, try your thrift store. They have so many different styles and sizes at a couple of bucks per item.  Even better, have a clothes swap with your friends, the clothes that you never wear can be definitely used by someone else!
3. Swap or Buy used toys. Kids look at the things and then go onto the next. You get them a million dollar item from the toy store, and three weeks later it’s buried in their closet. Try getting things that interest them but older kids no longer use.

4. Save Water. A lot of people don’t know is that third world countries don’t have drinkable water. It’s a luxury to them but common here within the U.S. Take shorter showers, purchase energy efficient washers and dishwashers. It’s a tax deductible too!!

5. Do not litter. I’ve seen personally people throw entire McDonald’s bags out the window on the highway.  It’s so easy just to find a freakin’ trash can. (sorry, little peeved about this one).

6. Turn to Eco friendly cleaners. A little story: I was stupid cleaning my bathroom with scrubbing bubbles and a window cleaner. What happened? Two different chemicals combined and I got extremely sick. My son’s father had to come home and I nearly had to go to the hospital with chemical poisoning. Ever since then, I changed. Imagine your kids dropping a piece of food on the table  and eating it again, what else are they eating that you cleaned the table with? 

7. Turn off the lights. Not only are you saving some money with your electric bill, but your saving some energy also. Keep your lights off during the day and then only use a couple at night. Ourselves personally, have a little two bedroom apartment but this actually saves us a lot of money each month. Our electric bill is only 50 bucks.

8. Try the Farmers Market or even a farm. If you live close enough, try driving down a road that you know farms are. In the summer, especially on the weekends, farmers sell their own fruits and vegetables roadside. If you live in the city, try the Farmer’s Market. The carbon footprint of a drive of 10 minutes is nothing compared to the semi-trucks of hundreds of miles to bring you fruits and veggies from the other side of the country.

9. Shut off your heat. I’m dead serious. It’s 53 degrees outside and inside is 65. We shut off our heat. The amount of energy that will save is tremendous, and did I mention the lower gas bill.

10. Switch to energy efficient bulbs. One, they last longer. Two, they take less energy than a normal light bulb. A small investment that will save you money.

11. Purchase a metal water bottle. In the day and age of water in a bottle, we can’t help but wonder, what’s next? We have fresh water out of the tap, relatively clean water. If you still don’t trust it, get a home purifier. They’re cheaper than the $20 a week you buy 20 bottles of water with.

12. Walk instead of drive. Sometimes you can, it’s so much easier. Instead driving down to the store that’s a couple miles away, get the kids and take a walk. You’ll buy less at the store considering you’re thinking how much you need to lug back.

13. Stop Printing. There is no need to print anymore, with Blackberrys, ipods, ipads, kindles and everything else in-between, you need to read or research something, just look it up online. Don’t print off anything at home other than what you really need. Go paperless with bills. Print coupons online instead of clipping them so you’re really using what you print. As a former worker at a printing press, some people have no clue how much energy and waste it takes to make a simple newspaper wrap.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

It's time...

My notable inability to accept that my little monster is becoming Big Foot has made me realize that we need to get on the pre-school bandwagon and start preparing for the day that I regret most of all.

He starts school.

I know that he’s going to love it, playing with kids all day, learning new things. Hell, what kid sits there and watches Life weekly and asks questions? This isn’t by my own accord either, I’d rather be watching 16 & Pregnant or Chopped.  Not listening to Opera and watching toads mate.

But am I ready? As a mother, as a woman rather who went through school tormented by her peers and made fun of until the 10th grade when I grew a pair of balls (not literally).  I don’t want my own past nightmare to be an overshadow of his big day, or the days that come after it. But I know for a fact that he doesn’t like getting laughed at, he doesn’t like getting picked on and he doesn’t like getting bullied.  I’m curious and worried about how he’s going to react that day. Praying at the same time that he doesn’t start hating school.

Tomorrow I’m taking a look at preschools, I’ve got one in mind. Head Start in my ex’s hometown. This way I can drop him off at school, and then his dad can pick him up during the day. Also it’ll be fun for Monster to see his daddy come with the Fire truck come October (Fire Prevention month!)

The other thing that bugs me…. I’m actually looking forward to doing homework again.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Welcome to the Circus

When I started all of this I really just didn’t want to talk about my life and the nothingness of it. And then I realized… my life is FAR from boring. Not glamorous or something to be jealous of, but certainly not boring.

The day started off pretty easy, woke up at 9:30 and took Aaron to school. It’s impeccably early for us, considering I don’t get home from work usually until 1:30am. Morning coffee, check. Lovin’ Tim Hortons, check. Hating McDonalds in the morning, check. Seriously, who stops their breakfast at 10:30am? I always believed that lunch shouldn’t be served until noon, in fast food or at home.

We then went onto Buffalo, where I dreaded this time since last Thursday. The IRS building. I’ve been there 13546873125321 times in the last five months, trying to get this bullshit paperwork done. But it just seems as soon as I feel that it’s over, it’s really not. I honestly don’t feel that making the trip to the IRS building is a hassle, or talking to them is a pain in the ass, but the paperwork.  

You need Form A attached to Schedule D attached to Maintenance Form 40 with virgin blood and a three headed pig. No, I am not kidding you ma’am.

The pain of it all starts in the parking lot. Simple, 5 dollars to park for 60 minutes, 6 dollars to park for 90 minutes. I couldn’t find that extra dollar, so I prayed and prayed that this wouldn’t take more than an hour.

We get inside the building, go through the metal detector which Darrell wanted to climb INTO. Get padded down and anal probed.

We meet the very same woman I was suppose to find, she gives me to another woman who I’ve previously spoken to. Who goes through 2 long ass questionnaires to see if what I need is really what I need when they were the ones to tell me that I needed it. Making sense anyone?

Meanwhile, my son is creating all chaos. Almost breaking the woman’s cubical door. It SLIDES, not OPENS. NO, you can NOT keep the highlighters. Do NOT chew on the little train thingie that she gave you. WHY are you drawing on the train thing with a highlighter???

MEANWHILE, she is asking me a million  questions, and filling out a long ass form. Took Darrell to the bathroom per request (good man), and then came back. OMG the receptionist is a freakin’ nutcase. She saw me leave with Darrell, I told her I’d be back, I went to the restroom, came back.

Where are you going? To cubical 8. Did she tell you to come back? Yes. I told you when we left. Well, you don’t need to get snotty with me.  -Me walking away- You don’t need to roll your eyes and give me attitude, I’m just doing my job. She’s screaming this across the office btw.

We get all the paperwork done, my blissfulness through this all is just slammed down to the darkness of hell because of the balance remaining. I leave the office, go back out to the car to see what…..

A fucking parking ticket.

For not paying enough.


The rest of the day went well. My son had his doctor’s appointment, healthy and fat as a cow. Not fat, fat, but in the 95 percentile of height and weight. Turning 4 next month, growing out of size 6 clothes. How big is this kid gonna be when he’s 18? 7 feet tall? He better be a good football player or something. Freakin’ college tuition.

Went to see my BBF upstate for a while, still makes me want a baby.

So I called the IRS….. And it’s all good. I can sleep, the freaking out is no longer there. I feel that I can plan for the future in a few weeks. Some sort of solidarity of everything is just wonderful. I can keep my paycheck.

Because, ya know, living life without my Timmy Hoe’s is out of the question.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

I like Cheese

Lets start off this post by saying I like cheese.

Not just this cheese.

But this cheese.

Lets also say that I'm lactose intolerant.   BADDD!!!

Why am I talking about my intolerancy to beautiful things like ice cream, milk shakes, queso, cheese foundue? Because why do we do things to ourselves when we know that it's not good for us.

Like my glorious taco dip.. I know I shouldn't have it.. but I do. And I pay the consequences by taking a 5 1/2 minute break every ten-fifteen minutes, and having stomach pain worse than labor.


My favorite thing in the world is my taco dip... as well as buttered popcorn, yet another lactose byproduct. Ya know, I can't deal with just liking grapes and little tiny 100 calorie cookies that my son eats 3-4 of them in one sitting. Just can't deal.

Note to self: Get the cookies away from the kid.

Back to topic... so I wish I could go through life not liking cheese, milkshakes, any type of lactose product. But I can't.

 I love it, I think of it, I look at it and I WANT IT.

So I pay the consequences... and curl up in bed. Licking my fingers of buttery popcorn, and trying not to hurl.

Two things that I've got to do tomorrow that I don't want to do but I've gotta do them or pay the consequences of the ninja fighting pirates.

1. Take the kid to the doctors for shots ALONE. No one other than the poor nurse that has to be in the room sitting there looking at me like I'm a pathetic mother.

2. Go to the IRS. Which includes driving to the city... parking the car... walking with the kid into the IRS building... hoping he doesn't try to take every single piece of paper around him so he can draw... hoping he can sit still long enough so I can get this shit DONE AND OVER WITH. (5th time I've been to the building in 5 months, they know me by name).

Saturday, April 17, 2010


Our land lord gave us an option to paint our living room. Given that our house was built in the late 1800’s, I’ve tried to keep with the simple country charm and our own twist on it. There’s a lot that I want to do, like have some better furniture if possible. I love my TV being on the little landing that it is… but it’s a little to minimalist/college student sometimes. Maybe spruce it up with some paint?

I love wrought-iron pieces and a lot of vintage stuff. Although my collection is just a few candle holders I’m hoping that this paint job will give me some inspiration to go bargain hunting and go to yard sales this summer.

So we’ve decided between two colors for the living room , one color for the living room. Aaron refused any red or khaki, and I wanted to stay muted as much as possible.

Like it? I do too. It’s a little darker than I had wished but the lighter colors make the room seem to cutesy. I want a posh but subtle look with not blinding my eyes.

Other things I’m changing are replacing the window valances, replacing one of the blinds that the previous tenants had destroyed, painting Darrell’s room  green or a bright blue. C’mon, it’s a kid. He doesn’t care either way. I’m going to ask him first though. Last thing is that I want is a tantrum over paint colors. Also DIYing certain pieces of furniture because I love the wood finish, but I want them to match.

So wish me luck on trying to accomplish all of this without sacrificing my sanity.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Here's to you

After the sun has set and the day is done, I’m still caring for you.  Not as a husband, not as a lover… but as a friend.

We met nearly 5 years ago, on a couch, drunk as hell. The start to a journey that has change my life forever. I don’t see the challenges that we’ve faced as something as hell, as others do, I see it as another crack in the long road that everyone has in life.  A lot of it I regret, as any adult does her younger years. A lot of it I wish I could go back and change things. I still sit here today and think that so much could be different, so much could be better. If we both tried a little harder.

My official apology isn’t to you, but to us. All three of us. As friends, as companions for the next 18 years of our son’s life. I’m so glad that we don’t fight anymore, and the hateful thoughts that run through our minds stay within and not get lashed out. I’m so glad that we’ve decided to come together, forget our differences and work together as a parental unit.

Sometimes I do see you, and I see myself as a 17 year old girl, wearing pink pants and drinking Mike’s hard. Sometimes I see him, and I see you, sitting there on the floor goofing off trying to get me to piss my pants.

He’s so much of you, and I’m proud of that. He’s caring, worrisome (maybe that’s me), goofy… free.

So… here’s to me hoping for us. For us to be friends in a week, six months, six years from now.

Here’s to us being there for our son, letting him know that it’s not his fault. He’s so good.

Here’s to us letting go of our own problems in life, love, work, stress and sex and just work together as one. Instead of what had been.

And as much as you feel as though you don’t deserve it. Here’s to you.

Thirteen Thursday

Deciding to go with Memes is the easiest thing I've done. Wednesdays are normally not as exciting as lets say... Mondays. And Thursdays are to busy. Back to work, no more slacking off. Wordless Wednesday and Thirteen Thursday are the only two I'm doing as of right now. On a later date I'm going to be doing Review Monday when I purchase a product on my own accord and review it. Whether or not it stinks or it totally fabulous, I'll let the truth be known.

Here are 13 recipes I will try to do this week, try is the key word. A lot of them are lunch items and snack items, because I eat dinner at work every night. I'll post if they are good or not, easy or omfglol I can't believe I tried this and why is my kitchen on fire?

  1. Grown up Grilled Cheese  
  2. Lemon Shrimp Scampi Pasta 
  3. Fat Darrell Sandwich Recipe (It's a true man sandwich. Chicken Fingers, French Fries and Mozz sticks. Oh the grease! And I love the name. )
  4. Crunchy Turkey Salad Sandwiches 
  5. English Muffin Breakfast Pizza 
  6. Warm Strawberry Shortcake
  7. Red Lobster Cheddar Bay Biscuits (these will be made with the recipe below <--- Copy cat)
  8. Olive Garden Chicken Vino Bianco
  9. Ham & Cheese Panini 
  10. Yogurt & Fruit Smoothie  
  11. Ham & Cheese Empanadas 
  12. Grab  & Go Breakfast sandwich 
  13. Ham & Turkey Tumble (Note: My kid likes alot of ham)

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Things every renter should know

The aftermath of today has been pretty interesting but lead to me thinking of things I didn't know 24 hours ago.

  • Ponds do not belong in the basement or the lower apartment
  • Sense of urgency is when you go in outside without a bra and your kid is only in a Pull-up.
  • Showering with 2 strange men outside the door is irrelevant when you have to be at work in 1 hr.
  • Despite a fountain pouring from the ceiling, cats still will run into the basement without a bat of an eye.
  • At All times keep your bathroom clean so your not scrubbing for 45 minutes so that the plumber that looks at shit all day doesn't see your boyfriends porn under the sink/spare pregnancy test/the little area around the toilet that no one ever bothers with.
  • Even if it's RAINING in your landlords bathroom, giving the kid a sponge bath seems like a good idea but really isn't.

My landlord is AWESOME. An hour into work I receive a text message saying everything is a-okay. AND were talking about painting on Thursday. SO AWESOME!

Monday, April 12, 2010

Lets grow!

One of the things that I want to do with Darrell this summer is grow something. Show him that if you place a seed inside of soil, take care of it, it will grow. Everything grows in this world, including him.

At my Grandmother's today we measured Darrell... he's over 3 feet tall now! My towering baby is going to grow to be probably 7 feet if this keeps up. The measurement wasn't completely accurate due to him squirming but hopefully next week at the doctors will show us his true height.

Anywhoo... this is what were gonna start on next Monday. The only thing I don't know yet is what herb to use and if my cat eats it, will it kill her? I've gotta research this a little bit more, maybe catnip?

The last thing I want is the cat rolling around dead and my son in utter agony.

Wish us luck... especially the cat.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

The vanity of blogging

I'm not a bright person... and my old blog was VERY bright. It hurt my eyes, literly. So I changed a few things.

Spent about 3 hours on it looking for everything and changing stuff. If anyone has any suggestions, please tell me.

I know I don't get many page views with this blog, I'm really hoping that I'm not talking to myself. I haven't monetize this blog, and I don't think that I will in a while, if I ever do. So, just to let ya'll know, if you're out there... I'm certainly not in it for the money.

The whole reason for me blogging is to bear my heart out into the world and actually make my opinions be heard. There are a lot of issues with the world, and a lot of things in my head. My one specific goal is just to write. I love writing, always have and always will.

The start of this blog has made me a better writer, and I'm hoping after time it'll make me an excellent writer.

Well... here's to a new blog image and a new start with this thing.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

It's ninja stalker trolling at it's best.

I promised Aaron I'd put this in my blog.

This is what he'll look like in 10 years.

I promise.

I lied, I didn't promise...

So I've been searching the net, like, nuts lately. So badly I decided to start a delicious account because my web browser was getting overcrowded with bookmarks. It's bad enough that the poor man has to go on a scavenger hunt for his websites let alone clicking on the wrong one and finding a blog about travel vagina.

I've found a few cool things though:

New Hair cut:

Enter your phone number, e-mail address or name and see how people can stalk you soooo easily.

This makes me want to re-decorate my entire living room:

I want it!! I want it!! I want it!! I want it!! I want it!! I want it!!
But I'd pop it to much

This is so the coffee table I'd have if I didn't have children:

And last but not least... a child can do this but I can't..

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Monday, April 5, 2010

Playground Pecking Order

Darrell got his first taste of playground bullying/pecking order today. There’s no other way to explain it. We went to my best friend’s daughter’s birthday where there were a bunch of kids from the neighboring apartments. My son, being the youngest, was excluded from a few things, i.e. Skateboarding the normal way, getting on a big boy bike, and pushing the birthday girl around until she probably puked.

Needless to say, he was pissed. I was slightly irked. Not at the other children, or their parents, but at my son. Well, not at him per say but the situation itself.

All of my childhood I was picked on for one reason or another. Especially when I moved to Western NY. I don’t know why, I was a weird child. Being 5 feet in the 3rd grade and towering over all the boys and girls doesn’t help either. (An exception: Marla, she’s fabulous). I didn’t really like hanging out with other kids, I really didn’t hang out with anyone really until 9th grade. And even that part is weird and abnormal, all of my friends were seniors.

So… to the point. Enough of me. I didn’t like the fact that my son was being picked on, that God descended on this Earth and chose my son to be the black sheep of the group, and it was fate that he was the one. I didn’t like the fact that he didn’t adapt to the other kids… maybe playing with chalk or running around like a maniac that he is. I didn’t like the fact that he ran inside and cried for a good 10 minutes telling me everyone hates him.

This isn’t something I was expecting so soon, maybe in 1st or 2nd grade… maybe in Middle school even. But before preschool? My worst fear is that my son won’t have the confidence to keep himself above water and to cheer himself on when needed. That school will destroy his soul like it did myself, and even his father.

Is being the black sheep genetic? I really fucking hope not.

Lets get back to the boobies

A recent study states that Breast Feeding can save lives and money. DUH! Does anyone realize how much formula cost??? Most people I know had gotten it on WIC, but they have to purchase it somehow, which in turn, tax payers (including those who are on WIC) pay for it. So it's just an endless cycle.

I really do understand people who can't breast feed, in the article there's this huge debate due to some mothers stating that they can't breast feed for medical reasons. That's FINE. If you can't, you can't. If you can, do it! But what about the mom's who are at home, their boobies are fine and full, and they feel uncomfortable.

The issues get narrowed down to many things. Porn in fact. How many huge breasted girls do you see in porn? And when you think of someone SUCKING on your boobie, you get a little queezy because this is your kid. I felt the same way for a while, but people need to stop. This isn't a cheap date that you're necking with on the couch, it's your kid. It's the living being that ate what you ate for nine months, and afterwards you can provide more.

How about breast-feeding in public? My friend recently told me she'd breast feed longer if she didn't get the glares for exposing her breasts in public. New York State has a topless law where women can go around topless without being criminally charged. This isn't just for strip clubs, but for breast feeding mommas and cops who are pricks. How many times have you seen a newborn in a restaurant sipping from a bottle? How many times have you seen someone breast feed at the same place?

How about breast-feeding at work? The new health care reform is putting that in stone where large employers are required to give a mother a private and comfortable spot to pump. At work now, I ask myself that question is where do we pump? I see a tiny little chair in the side of the bathroom next to a broken down urinal. The spare woman's bathroom was once a Men's room. Mind you, I'm NOT pregnant. But there are three women in my work that are. Are we allowed ample time to pump? It's not just a question of my work, but a lot of companies out there.

It's a controversial thing, I really don't understand why though. My grandmother breast fed, her grandmother before her breastfed. It's been going on not only for generations but the beginning of time. How is this so taboo now in the modern age?

The jist of it all is lets get back to basics and keep our kids healthy. Due to everything that our society gives these kids, immunizations, healthy food, good doctors, why can't we do something as mothers?

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Freak out

So time to time I freak out occasionally over some things.

Sometimes it’s not huge, it’s the little shit that adds up over time. Other times, it’s the big things.

Tonight was one of the big things, it’s something that is unfortunately, is always on my mind.

Money, fucking money. I sit there sometimes and look at cash. Wonder why this shit rules the world. If the world was fueled on happiness then it would be better. Truly…. I’m not trying to be a hippy.

I’ve got a lot of worries over this shit. I think I do owe myself that worry considering I’ve been homeless twice. No, I’m not in the dilemma, not ever again. But the idea of not having the shit, of not being able to buy a cup of coffee just drives me a little nutty.

I keep telling myself when I have panic attacks every week when we go to Wal-Mart to grocery shop, that everything is going to be okay. When I know, that in the end, it always is. But the trip to get to okay is never okay. It’s tiring, crying, mess of shit that I don’t want to deal with but have to.

It even brings out the worst in me. I’m usually a good caring person, but when I worry about this kind of stuff. It makes me hate people. The world in general. I’m here, struggling, week to week to make by sometimes and then people get handed a check from the government because they don’t have a job. But I pay my taxes (Oh, don’t even LET me think of that one) and I work my job, day after day. Sometimes when I’m sick as a dog, when my son is sick, so I can put a roof over my head and food on the table. I don’t receive food stamps, I don’t receive any type of assistance or child support. Everything that comes into this house, is from my and Aaron’s paycheck.

So, I could be a bad person by thinking that way. But sometimes I don’t give a duck.

I calmed myself down. Got into the shower, took some care of myself which I’ve been neglecting horribly. Had a cigg, boiling some eggs for tomorrow so I can take some to my best friend’s house. And relaxing.

Right now, at 3 am there’s not much I can do about my money situation. I can sit there and cry, yell, scream, but right now, this very moment, there’s nothing I can do.

I hate it.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

April Fools Day

Today is April 1st. Haven't gotten a joke yet. *knock on wood*

Oh but I've thought of many of things to do with Aaron.

Like get a fake pregnancy test that said positive

Have the police call him to bail me out of jail (to bad I don't know any cops in Hamburg)

One that COULD work is have my supervisor tell him I'm fired... but I know I'm just playing with fire at that.

So many others... so little time. Muhahaha.

But this is NOT a April Fools Joke.
Isn't it beautiful???

I can't wait until Saturday. In the 80s C'mon! That's unheard of this early in spring.