Here's to you

After the sun has set and the day is done, I’m still caring for you.  Not as a husband, not as a lover… but as a friend.

We met nearly 5 years ago, on a couch, drunk as hell. The start to a journey that has change my life forever. I don’t see the challenges that we’ve faced as something as hell, as others do, I see it as another crack in the long road that everyone has in life.  A lot of it I regret, as any adult does her younger years. A lot of it I wish I could go back and change things. I still sit here today and think that so much could be different, so much could be better. If we both tried a little harder.

My official apology isn’t to you, but to us. All three of us. As friends, as companions for the next 18 years of our son’s life. I’m so glad that we don’t fight anymore, and the hateful thoughts that run through our minds stay within and not get lashed out. I’m so glad that we’ve decided to come together, forget our differences and work together as a parental unit.

Sometimes I do see you, and I see myself as a 17 year old girl, wearing pink pants and drinking Mike’s hard. Sometimes I see him, and I see you, sitting there on the floor goofing off trying to get me to piss my pants.

He’s so much of you, and I’m proud of that. He’s caring, worrisome (maybe that’s me), goofy… free.

So… here’s to me hoping for us. For us to be friends in a week, six months, six years from now.

Here’s to us being there for our son, letting him know that it’s not his fault. He’s so good.

Here’s to us letting go of our own problems in life, love, work, stress and sex and just work together as one. Instead of what had been.

And as much as you feel as though you don’t deserve it. Here’s to you.