Saturday, June 19, 2010

Dear Dad

Hey Dad.

How you’ve been? I’m sure you’re having the time of your life having a beer with Sr. and playing cards with Papa.

How’s Mom? Make sure that she’s happy, You always made her laugh.

Darrell is getting big. Huge even. He reminds me of you sometimes. Stubborn and hard headed. Never in my life did I think that my son would be as bad as I was. I really want to say I’m sorry for that. For being a little brat.

You’re going to be disappointed in me. I haven’t seen a race in over a year. Haven’t been to one either since Tony took me to Holland for the figure 8 races. The seats are uncomfortable and the beer is flat, what can I say?

Funny thing, I go by Nicholason and Hall each day to work. They had a huge sign on the front that said Boilermakers of America, I think you’d like it. Never went inside, I’m sure a lot of the guys will remember you but I’ve changed from the little 5 year old blond girl. They’d probably look at me like I’m crazy.

Grandma is doing okay. She’s really upset about how Doug is treating the house, I want to punch him sometimes. But it was her decision, and with this economy, I could of never kept up with it. Better to go with blood than anything else, right?

Aunt Marty and Uncle Bob are doing great too. She’s finally retired after all these years. But keeps on going, ya know? Never stopping. Oh… and make sure that Rusty gets a good walking.

Dexter’s fence is still up, and the hole in the wall from when I was so mad at you I threw a shoe. Oh wait.. You never knew about that. Sorry? I hid it with a N’Sync picture for years. Even though I think Justin Timberlake is annoying as hell. Oh yea, was that you that turned the light on a few years ago in your room? If it was, it scared the shit out of me. And my cat. I don’t think I moved that fast in years.

You were right about a lot of things. I see that now. Working to support your family is an honor, not a chore. I take pride in my work, even though I don’t get up off of my ass for 8 hours. You always told me that you didn’t want me to work with my hands, it’s not a woman’s job, but I do, in a different way.

You’d like Aaron. Even though he’s a democrat. He cares about me, a lot. The ethics, and the personal endeavors is amazing. He never stops learning and never stops teaching me the beauty of patience. I really think you and him would get along good, over a beer, of course. He’s really good for Darrell, and me too. Keeps us on our toes.

Surprisingly, you were wrong. I hate to say it but you were about one thing. I’m not to much of a cry baby to get a tattoo. And it didn’t hurt as much as you said it was, I think you were trying to scare me. Your last one, with the wolf howling at the moon, it’s really weird in some ways. My friends call us a pack, a family. Blood is strong but family is stronger. Even though we never shared the same blood, Dad, you’re always my father. I could never think of it any other way.

The days where I need the strength and the courage to get through a obstacle, I think of you.  Never giving up, never giving in. Always strong and always with pride. You’ve been my rock, sort of speak, for the past 4 years. It’s been a long road, but I’m starting to finally get my life back together. I hope your proud.

I love you Daddy, I miss you... and Happy Father's Day. 

R.I.P. Alan Binko


  1. That's made me cry! <3

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  2. Very sweet. I am sorry for the loss of your father...I see it was over 5 years ago, but I doubt the pain ever fully goes away. He lives on in your memories!

  3. That must have been hard to write. And inspiring. And tearful. And maybe even a beautiful look at all you are now, and that life has become. I'm so sorry your dad is gone... it sounds like he raised a really amazing daughter, though.

    Thanks for sharing your heart.


  4. The pain never really goes away, but it does in time become tolerable. Its been a little over 12 years for me and I still hope my dad knows the things that we left unsaid. I think he does. I think your dad does too.

  5. I lurk on your blog often, we went to middle school together, somehow my step-dad knew your dad or something like that.
    Anyways, don't think I've seen you since geez, 2002, but this post really got to me (hence my comment). I think of my step-dad as my dad... I don't have the courage to tell him that in person, yet.

    I bet it was him that turned on the light. :)

    Thanks for writing this,


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