Sunday, March 21, 2010

I am exhausted

Two days of work and not enough Darrell makes mommy a crazy lady.

I worked Saturday and Sunday, my normal days. Only saw my son for a few hours on Saturday morning. You'd think in 48 hrs I could get a lot done? Nope. I went grocery shopping but Aaron had to put the groceries away while I went to work.

Darrell spent the time with his dad and grandparents. They took him to the circus and bought him new toys and a movie. Doesn't this make mommy feel like an ass?

I'm not trying to compete with my ex, in no way. Just, I don't want to feel like I'm letting my son down or something by not buying him new toys or taking him to events like that. I would love a weekend off, to go frolicking with my son, take him to something somewhere. But I've gotta work. Not that I choose to, I'm not one of those moms who work because their bored at home. I have to work. My work schedule is mirrored by Aaron's because 4 trips to Buffalo a day is alot of money in gas that we don't have. Aaron's work schedule is that way to float around his school schedule. Full time student going for his 4 year degree in Political Science. To have a better future so that one day, some day, we don't have to rent anymore, we don't need to live pay check to pay check and maybe, just MAYBE someday, we can afford a house.

Why do I want a house of my own? So I can start my own business and live the way that I want to. I want to take a day off sometime and just play hookie with my son. Sit on a park bench and eat ice cream on a Saturday. To be able to take him to school, pick him up and then go to any event he has that week. Be involved in his life.

Ya know I got denied his birthday off at work? Now I have to find someone who is off on Sunday, the day before memorial day, who is WILLING to switch with me and is also off on Wednesday. Or I'll be sitting at work, miserable and pissed off, because my son is turning 4 and I'll be missing it. Just so that I can keep a roof over his head.

So I'm off of my soap box. Time for bed. Time for sleep. Ughfck.

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