Change

Change...

In just a few short days 2010 will be over. I can't imagine what has changed in this past year. I kinda stopped writing and I want to apologize but can’t. Everything that happened after that, it was a mess.  It still is a mess. So much of a mess it’s going to take a while to clean up, even with my lazy ass.

One thing that has majorly changed. I’m not going to censor. There is no holding back here. You don’t like it, get out. My life is fucked up, entirely. Welcome to it and be amazed.

So in July of this year. I met a man. This man was someone who kept me alive for a few times… kept me going. I’m young, stupidly in love sometimes. Love can blind you like nothing in the world. It shines more than the sun, burning your eyes to the point where you can’t see anything beyond that. Your brain wants to tell you to look away but it just seems so beautiful. Until you feel the pain.

Like I said, my life is kinda fucked up right now. Nothing really has made a step towards greatness yet. I’m hoping that this new year is going to make a good step forward.

So keep in touch with wishing good lucks and all of that. I’ll be needing it. 

Gravity - Falling from Earth.

So this is what happened. I'm going to make this as short as possible because it's been a few months and my head hurts.

So party at my house. Honestly, it was great. From what I can remember. Tequila and Jack Daniels do NOT go hand in hand together. I got hit with a bottle rocket in the face and don't remember it. Bad huh? Well, I realized how much of a mess I was getting into.Sober words are drunken thoughts. My now ex came home and ordered everyone to go home. All so that he can sit on the couch and drink by himself. We ended up going to a fireworks show (No, I wasn't driving). Came back and talked a little. My ex said a few choice words, ended up leaving with the car for a little while, and me freaking out thinking he was going to get into a accident.

I know that it's not politically correct to start talking to another guy on a nightly basis like I had been. It was more of a "I know you like me, I'm just trying to keep this friends, ya you're a cool guy". One day, I basically said ketchup this, I'm going to do it. At my best friend's son's birthday, we talked, we kissed, we fell in love.
I tried to calm it down, but my heart and brain just wouldn't let it happen.

I let my ex know how I felt. What happened, the whole sha-bang.

It was more a decision that I felt that he didn't want to be in my son's life. It really had 95% nothing to do with what happened or that I fell in love with someone else. I know it seems like I'm making excuses, but it's more of that situation, you have to be there to understand.

My ex and I since the beginning of May have been talking about nothing more than work. We work for the same company, see each other everyday. The romance died. I talked to him countless times about the fact that I didn't want to go home, and talk about what happened that day at work. It would be different if we worked on different floors, or different departments, but we don't. When we'd go out to dinner or some-place out on a date, that's all we'd talk about.

The part about my son. I confirmed this the other day, he wanted to come home and have my son go straight to bed. Now, I don't work a early shift. I get out about 9pm and pick up my son around 10, then go home. I would like to spend some time with him before bed, but my scheduling is going to change soon. I asked him why he wanted him to go to bed as soon as we get home, he stated that he wanted some peace and quiet and not have to deal with him.

That confirmed it. What I've been feeling for years. When we first met, he told me he didn't want kids. At that time, I didn't want anymore either. But things changed, and I just started wanting to have another. He stuck with his decision, and then some.

With "him" because I don't want to disclose his name just yet. It's utterly amazing. Basically, I need to tell him to get out of my head sometimes because we think so alike. He's older than me, a divorcee like me. Has two kids, wants another one. Loves my son to pieces and would do anything for him. The reason why I know that this is something that he's not just doing to please me, like the ex, is because he's known my son longer than I've known him. An acquaintance of my ex-husband. When I say it's a small world, it's a really really small world, especially in Buffalo.

So that's the drama of my life. I'm happy finally with someone completely no drawbacks or second thoughts. We're getting an apartment in November and starting our life together. I know it looks like I'm jumping from one guy to another but if you have that feeling with someone, like gravity, you can't just let it go.

I just can't let him go.

Semper

Hey Katie… how have you been?

Busy…  like crazy busy. Like I think I’m losing my brain busy.

Wow, that sounds stressful.

You have no idea.

This is the conversation I’ve been dealing with for maybe the past three weeks. A few aspects will contribute to this though.

A. I got a temporary promotion. It sounds weird and it is. I’m basically taking care of the new employees and making sure that they don’t quit. Which really isn’t working right now since a few of them left already. Like never came back. There’s a black-hole somewhere in Buffalo where my employees just fall into.

I really shouldn’t joke about that, this area has a common annoyance of nuclear problems left from people who are dumb-asses and don’t know how to take care of their waste. It’s nasty

Anywhoo, the hours are the same but I’ve gone from sitting on my ass for 8 hrs straight to walking my ass 8 hrs straight. It’s good, I think I lost a pant size already.

B. It’s the summer. During the summer, I’m usually non-existent. Most people wonder where I am, a lot.

I hide.

Seriously though, this area has 4 months of sunshine and then we all turn into evil little bastards who don’t like the world. Snow does hideous things to people.

Chilling with friends is big. I wasn’t blessed with a huge family with thousands of cousins that you need to interrogate anyone you plan on sleeping with at a party. Just in case.

So my friends are huge. Like planet huge. And they’re awesome.

C. From my last post. My mind has been in a million places at once. I’m trying to get my outlook taken care of. Not the computer system, but my outlook in life.

Have you ever questioned your existence? Like what we live for. Why do we get up each day and do the things that we do? What’s the point in some things and should we be doing more of others?

Don’t worry, I’m not joining the peace corps. But I would if I didn’t have kids.

Ya’ll will or should know that I’m at a tender age of 22. My life is just starting. And it didn’t start in the beginning like it should, the early middle was crap, so I’m trying to make sure that the rest of my days are better.

Honestly, I don’t want to be 30 and miserable. Not that being 30 is being miserable, it’s that’s the age I’m thinking “Ok, I’ve done this-this and this and this is what’s become of it. Did I do a good job?” Every decision you make today will affect you tomorrow but you can’t chance fate.

Speaking of her, she’s been sneaky lately.

In a really good way.

Bare

This blank screen has been the bareness of my existence. Words pour out of my head, but somehow can't seem to make it to paper... or this ticker.

Real emotion. Bare emotion. No hold back, looking to the heavens. It seems to never end. My heart burns sometimes, and trying to put it to paper has seemed to be the water in the sierra. Can't seem to get there yet.

Closing my eyes, hearing music. Ripping out the thoughts in my mind. But there still there at the end of the day, and somehow it feels so good.

Sleep isn't necessary, staring at the stars and realizing the world isn't so dark. Even through the darkness, there's still light. The clouds do move, the wind forces.

The stars will shine. The bareness will never end, no more. I'm done holding back.

I really need to get off my ass

Not literly... but kinda get down on my ass. Sitting in front of the computer at night has been more of a surfing the internet, thanks to stumble. There's just so much CRAP to look at. I don't think it ever ends.

Is there an end to the internet? Or is it a never ending net of stuff that keeps our minds perked. I find something that inspires me (Insert my previous post about Kidtropolis) and write about it, but then go onto the next page. Where it inspires me again.

Sometimes I find things that awe me instead of make me want to write. Eye candy of sorts, it never ends.

So being called a Versatile Blogger from Nomie is a great honor. 

The rules of this game is to nominate 15 different bloggers that you think are versatile. There are so many. Its going to take me a minute or two to pick and choose. Especially since I've been surfing the eye candy instead of writing. 

 Eye Candy... SEE???

And then I need to tell you seven random things about me...

But, because this is real life. I'm writing out of my fingers right now, not by the backspace button. I'm gonna finish watching the rest of Deadliest Catch: The last Phil episode, dry my tears and get some sleep. 

Thanks again Nomie!!!

If I had a million dollars...

I would build this for my baby boy. 

The rooms at Kidtropolis is something straight out of a little boy's imagination or a fairy tale book.

I spent quite a while marveling at the details of each room and the heart and soul that was put into each piece.
Everything was designed and built by Kidtropolis, nothing bought from Walmart or Ikea. Custom to your child's dream room.

Again, if I had a million dollars.

Or maybe just a really good saw and some paint?

Boredom

What happens when I get bored and sick?

Like a raging ass sick which has taken over my body temporary. I need a exorcist this shit is so bad! 

I'm not gonna get into details. But the boredom has made me creative. 

Like the blog. Looks good? No?

And this..

When I get bored, I like to stick myself with needles. Lots of them, to make a pretty drawing into something that will never leave my body. 

A few more are in my mind, maybe for another day. Anyone got one on their foot? 

So yes, boredom. You do oh so much more than drunkenness.

Let's get wasted! It's for our country, damnit!

I honestly started writing a post about how the 4th of July brings families together, what kind of great food you can make, etc.etc. but I got kinda side tracked.

Yea... that's what happened. Bad, Katie, Bad.

So I'm not-so regretting it today. A little hung over and extremely hot. I think the liquor is trying to escape my body, I don't blame it really.

My best friend and her kids, her friend John and my best two guy friends, Steveo and Scottie came over for a fun-filled time. Water balloons are the best for adults kids on a 90 degree day. We changed our clothes three times, and then went for fireworks at a local middle school.

Trust me, everyone's surprised that I remember this much.

The one thing I do distinctively remember, is a bottle rocket that went horribly wrong. My thigh and lip are swollen now.

No, it wasn't in a drunken mess where I decided to light one with my teeth, that would of been funny though.

One blew up just as it left the bottle, instead of in the sky, I was the only one not coherent enough, nor fast enough, to move out of the way.

So, lessons learned:

• Do not mix Tequila and Jack Daniels together.
• Everything people say while your drunk makes perfect sense, no matter what they're saying.
• My friends are the greatest in the world.
• No more bottle rockets. We'll get the big shit next year.

I hope everyone had a happy 4th of july!

It will never be the same...

Jumping on the bandwagon again, thanks to Natalie aka Mommy of a Monster I mean toddler and infant twins.

The classic phrases first time mother's get all the time. "You're a mama now!"  or "Oh you'll get the hang of it". And then you want to either cry or punch the person politely thank them for their thoughtfulness and assistance. We sometimes, I mean all the time, think of the things we've forgotten, lost, banished or completely went into a black hole. 

1. You’ve completely lost your purse to tissues, hot-wheel cars, loads of candy for bribing, various McDonald’s toys, etc. Never again will you just have a cute clutch that will hold just a few things.
2. Going to the store by yourself is like taking a trip cross country. Taking every single long side road to get there and back, taking your sweet time getting through the store. Not taking the self check out and getting behind the little old lady with 50 different types of cat food. And she has coupons!
3. A granola bar and a huge cup of coffee is breakfast of champions.
4. You know every Disney, Nick and Cartoon Network theme song by heart and can sing them at ANY time. Sometimes in the most inappropriate situations.
5. You ask where the potty is.
6. Being bored is not an luxury anymore. There’s always something to procrastinate with.
7. You cut up your husband’s meat as well as your kids before each meal. Just in case.
8. Doing your nails in the shower is normal weekly thing.
9. Your feet stick to the kitchen floor… and you don’t care.
10. Going clothes shopping eventually ends up in buying more clothes for the kids, and one piece for you.
11. Cussing turns into a game where instead of &@$% it is now fudge. And then they ask for a fudgesicle.
12. At work, you find yourself writing on post-it notes with crayon.
13. You’re willing to kiss your kid’s boo-boo, no matter where it is.
14. Cleaning the kitchen at 1am is not crazy, it’s a daily routine.
15. At night when the house is clean, the kids are in bed and you are exhausted, you still spend 10 minutes watching the kids sleep, and thanking God for all of it.

I just don't stumble, I plant my face into the sidewalk.

Ok... here's the thing. I'm sitting here, in front of the computer, playing with this thing. It's big, huge even. Lots of people probably use it but don't have the guts to say so. Mine in blue and green, but it could possibly be just my preference. It's kinda lazy way of doing things, but I like it that way. No real human interaction, no clean up necessary.

What did you think it was???

To take a break from the clicking and the eye gouging, here's Tues Tag Along. 

Don't forget to add the blogs to the stumble!

We interupt this Earthquake to bring you a Tornado Warning

Has anyone seen the movie 2012? I was thinking about it about 2pm dis afternoon. Here in Buffalo, New York. We usually see snow.

Like this type of snow.

Today. We felt a earthquake. Completely out of our comfort zone, I called my mother in law in Eden, NY. She felt it. Aaron called his dad in Derby, NY. He felt it.

Later we learn the earthquake is from Canada! 500 miles away. (The quake, not Canada.) C'mon! Nothing screams zombies and apocalyptic tragedies as something like this. This is horribly confusing. Here's a diagram.

Ok, I'm over-reacting here. I'm sorry.

But it was cool. No damage, no one died and certainly no zombies.

Yet.

We went out for dinner, everything as usual. Everyone is talking about it. I think one person had his windshield broken and someone's cheap Wal-mart pool fell apart.

Then we get a Tornado warning. Again, to refresh.. it's Buffalo, NY.

This isn't So. Cal or Arkansas. The worst we see is about 12 feet of snow and we dig ourselves out. No big deal.

And, it all brings me to this song.

Tues Tag Along on a Hot Car

Welcome to Tuesday Tag Along, where I shamelessly put my name on a list with a group of bloggers hoping for someone to read this so I don't look like a crazy lady. Join, please, so others like me don't have to go into the loony bin.

So my last few posts have been well... not as unique as they should be, way to emo as they ought to be and to far apart. I want to say I'm sorry for any lack of creativity that I've stripped from this place. I can promise that I will try and try again to drink more alcohol and get out of the *ddddduuuuhhhhhh* *gurgle* *gurgle* staring at my computer screen like it's a porn movie syndrome that I've been in.

Good thing, I just haven't been staring at this screen that long. If you look or remember the post where I said I'm to scared to ride muscle cars and muscle men. Weelll... let's take off one.

Friends and I went to a car show.  A really perty car show and now Aaron and I are thinking of the future. Ya know, wedding bells and screaming babies and all that shit nice things. We got to talking about buying one of these beauties some day. In the long distant future, probably when dogs grow wings and my ass gets smaller.

Please ignore the bug... well don't. That's my beauty. Whenever we see one on the road, we kinda get giddy and try to figure out with double agent is in one. There's only 4 in the tri-state area!!!

Darrell got excited over the Charger, obviously. His father is a Dukes of Hazzard addict. Full plaid shirts, running from the law, hound dog, daisy duke = don't sleep with your cousin thing. He was upset that it was blue instead of orange. But what can ya do? Not everyone wants to drag around a confederate flag on the top of their car.

It was nice, very nice actually, seeing old friends who know me best and who can understand my humor. Nos Bottle - 5. Katie - 2. Really, I can't put the freakin' cap on for the life of me. My friend Dan threatened to go get a sippy cup, I told him to leave that for the jack & coke. Seriously, don't waste a good thing man.

So sippy cup, sleeping cousins and hot cars aside. I'm back, sorta. I've always been here but I'm going to try harder at being myself instead of a drone. 

Promise on my future cars life. Minus the small ass.

Dear Dad

Hey Dad.

How you’ve been? I’m sure you’re having the time of your life having a beer with Sr. and playing cards with Papa.

How’s Mom? Make sure that she’s happy, You always made her laugh.

Darrell is getting big. Huge even. He reminds me of you sometimes. Stubborn and hard headed. Never in my life did I think that my son would be as bad as I was. I really want to say I’m sorry for that. For being a little brat.

You’re going to be disappointed in me. I haven’t seen a race in over a year. Haven’t been to one either since Tony took me to Holland for the figure 8 races. The seats are uncomfortable and the beer is flat, what can I say?

Funny thing, I go by Nicholason and Hall each day to work. They had a huge sign on the front that said Boilermakers of America, I think you’d like it. Never went inside, I’m sure a lot of the guys will remember you but I’ve changed from the little 5 year old blond girl. They’d probably look at me like I’m crazy.

Grandma is doing okay. She’s really upset about how Doug is treating the house, I want to punch him sometimes. But it was her decision, and with this economy, I could of never kept up with it. Better to go with blood than anything else, right?

Aunt Marty and Uncle Bob are doing great too. She’s finally retired after all these years. But keeps on going, ya know? Never stopping. Oh… and make sure that Rusty gets a good walking.

Dexter’s fence is still up, and the hole in the wall from when I was so mad at you I threw a shoe. Oh wait.. You never knew about that. Sorry? I hid it with a N’Sync picture for years. Even though I think Justin Timberlake is annoying as hell. Oh yea, was that you that turned the light on a few years ago in your room? If it was, it scared the shit out of me. And my cat. I don’t think I moved that fast in years.

You were right about a lot of things. I see that now. Working to support your family is an honor, not a chore. I take pride in my work, even though I don’t get up off of my ass for 8 hours. You always told me that you didn’t want me to work with my hands, it’s not a woman’s job, but I do, in a different way.

You’d like Aaron. Even though he’s a democrat. He cares about me, a lot. The ethics, and the personal endeavors is amazing. He never stops learning and never stops teaching me the beauty of patience. I really think you and him would get along good, over a beer, of course. He’s really good for Darrell, and me too. Keeps us on our toes.

Surprisingly, you were wrong. I hate to say it but you were about one thing. I’m not to much of a cry baby to get a tattoo. And it didn’t hurt as much as you said it was, I think you were trying to scare me. Your last one, with the wolf howling at the moon, it’s really weird in some ways. My friends call us a pack, a family. Blood is strong but family is stronger. Even though we never shared the same blood, Dad, you’re always my father. I could never think of it any other way.

The days where I need the strength and the courage to get through a obstacle, I think of you.  Never giving up, never giving in. Always strong and always with pride. You’ve been my rock, sort of speak, for the past 4 years. It’s been a long road, but I’m starting to finally get my life back together. I hope your proud.

I love you Daddy, I miss you... and Happy Father's Day. 

R.I.P. Alan Binko

8/28/50-2/12/05

Sweaty boobs & Pinned back hair.

It was my day off. Was is the key word here.

The day is coming to a close and I've accomplished so freakin' much I think I'm gonna pass out.

We can see the floor of our bedroom, first in months.

I can see the floor in my son's room, first in ever.

The main thing here is that I need to take a shower. Grimy, sweaty, smelly woman I am, cleaning takes a lot outta ya when it's 80 degrees. 

And I'm making taco dip so when Aaron gets home, he'll be greeted by a horny happy me and a dish of fresh taco dip.

I am an awesome girlfriend but sorry dear, I definately won't look like this. 

Wordless Wednesday - This is what I want to do sometimes

Link

In my own defense....

Where have I been? 

Honestly I don't know.

Oh wait... at work. Sitting in front of a computer screen, looking at Christmas lights in the Que.

It seems like a bit and a half since I've blogged, or really tried. I want to apologize, in my own defense. 

So instead of writing something miraculous because I just don't have the bull-shit power energy. I'm gonna steal this from Papoe who stole it from a crap load of people.

99 Things 

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo

11. Bungee jumped
12. Visted Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you're not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset

31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person 

(I live 45 minutes away from N.F., I've been there SEVEN TIMES!)
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community

(If anyone is near Central New York, check out a little town called Penn Yan, NY.

It's surround by Amish Country)
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone Rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo's David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance

(Rode in one just for shits and giggles)
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Effel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain

53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone Whale Watching

63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Save a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been a passenger on a motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person

80. Publish a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper

(When I was a youngin', I had my picture in the paper a few times. 

That's what you get for living in a town of 200.)
85. Kissed a stranger at midnight on NYE
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone's life

(Not literally, but I've been told that by two people)
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Gotten a tattoo 

(I have two!)

94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swan in the Great Salt Lake

(I'm assuming the great lakes. Lake Erie!)
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee    

So I haven't really seen much in my life. Never have been outside this time zone except once in a flight delay in Atlanta. But I've done a lot of things.

What have you done?

Crazy People

There are a lot of crazy good people out there.

Lewis Black, Tim Burton, Barack Obama (c'mon, you know he's gotta be crazy to deal with all of this!)

But there are every day crazy good people 

Courtesy of Finally Mom

Courtesy of Twenty Little Toes

THANK YOU!!!!!!

 For the Trendy Blog Award •To receive this award, promise to share this with 10 other blog that you think are Trendy too.•Post about your award in your blog.•Share with the bloggers .• Ask them they need to give this award out to 10 as well.

For the Honest Scrap So the rules are telling 10 lies interesting things about myself, and then pass the award along to other great bloggers.

1. I love everything oriental. We've got my grandmother's Chinese tea napkins hung on the wall, a few Katanas and a ken-do stick (only for a deterrent, not actually used outside the bedroom) 
2. As much as I'm a computer hog, I will sit in the sun for a few hours a day just for the melatonin. 
3. Once we've started, my boyfriend and I can have a pretty good political debate. Often other people will get involved and then us yell at them. :-)
4. I was once a hippy. Tie die shirts, hemp purse and hand made sandals. I was only 13.
5. The new mocha frappes at McDonalds are the bomb, but honestly if I drink to many, I'll become the fattest woman.
6. Getting me up successfully in the morning is like convincing a tiger that a nice bath is good for them.
7. Online, I'm like Martha Stewart with organizing files, pictures, etc. Offline, I'm lucky enough to find my toothbrush.
8. As a kid, my favorite cartoon show was Dragonball Z. Little did I know how awesome anime actually is. 
9. I use to scrap. Like real big. But it got to costly and a lot of work. Maybe one day I'll get back into it.
10. I'm a sop for muscle cars and muscle men. But I'm to afraid to ride either one. Hehe. 

Now after you've cried with boredom... here are the people receiving the award for awesomeness.

**Gotta share the love**

Finally Mom

Twenty Little Toes 

Accidental Baby Maker

Velvet Over Steel

Lemons to Lemonade

Punk Rock Momma

Saving Mom's sanity

The Way I see things

The Allison Wonderland

Adventures in Mommywood

Looking at the face of death... or rather a door.

I'm back after work three 12 hour shifts in a row. Last night around 11pm, I was nearly crying to get out of there. It's my choice, but why does time have to go by so slow???

Literally crawling out of there last night, Aaron and I came home without the baby. My ex was nice enough to take him again for the night so that we could get some sleep and relax for a bit. And Darrell was asleep by the time we got out of work.

Two glasses of wine and the blue comedy tour is food for the soul.

Better news... I almost died.

Not really, but it felt that way and I will never take the middle elevator again.

I got in, the doors closed and they didn't open.

I didn't panic... until later. For some reason I just kept my calm, kinda huddled in a corner and waited for the security guard to come around. It's said that the elevators at my work are the oldest in the city.

What sucks is that I couldn't get a signal with my cell phone. There was a old rotary phone in the elevator, so I used that. But if it was plummeting or doing something funky, I couldn't call anyone to tell them my last wishes.

I got out fine, obviously. Late from my break, sent a message to my supervisor and then banged my head promptly on my desk.

Which this reminds me to adjust my will. Oh yes, I have a will. I believe everyone over the age of 18 should have one because we're not God and never know when we're going to kick the bucket. At least something saying "Mom I love you" or "Don't forget to feed the cat".

And.... to finish my bucket list.

Balls of steel

I'd like to think I am. Solid steel, never waver, no tears, no pain. 

If some people haven't read the "About me", I'm 22 years old. And this has thus far happened.

I was born ('cause that's traumatic enough), my parents got a divorce, my mother was diagnosed with cancer, my mother died of cancer, I move in with my dad, my mother's boyfriend commits suicide over IRS and gambling debt (HA! Irony sucks!), my grandfather passes away, I find out my father adopted me, my dad gets diagnosed with cancer, he passes away, I graduate from high school.... keeping up yet? I essentially had a nervous breakdown and ran away from home, got pregnant, married, survived marriage from hell (it really wasn't), had my son after almost dying on the table. My husband and I got into a bad-ass argument, left my husband, met my boyfriend, left my boyfriend and went back to my husband, lost my job, car, apartment, sanity. I start seeing my boyfriend again, husband leaves. (Don't blame him) Became homeless since the first time since 2005...

The good parts; got a job, moved in with boyfriend's family, had visitation with son, got a better job, shit hits the fan, I get my son and then got an apartment.

So here I am... alive. Sorta. My husband and I are on speaking terms, not killing each other and keeping it real for the kid. We're trying to figure things out without really talking to each other, it sucks. The court system believes that we can work things out with a restraining order that I told them not to put on. We can only talk about the kid.

I really sound ghetto right now and I want to apologize but life sucks.

Things aren't all cute as kittens and giggles and kisses around here. I work hard, like 50 hours a week hard. I love my job, I'm a moron for that too but it's a good job with good people working for a good company. What else can a gal ask for?

Why the hell am I writing all this and making everyone believe that I'm a ghetto redneck bitch from hell?

Because I've just been that way lately. Not towards people, but towards life. I haven't been able to write good things lately, just shit is starting to creep towards the fan and I don't want everyone alarmed.

When it hits, I'm going to be right here. Writing is my tool to sanity. I've got almost 3 dozen half written journals in the bedroom that I have yet to finish, a half written memoir of stuff that doesn't make any sense if you read it from front to back and a head full of words. 

So... to clarify, I'm not steel. I feel like I am but I'm not. I hope ya'll can understand... yo.

Tweet, Twit, Twirp, Teet, Tit, BOOB!

So I've joined.

No, I lie. I've been for a while. I just never really kept up with it. In the months that I had joined, I guess I had gotten a half a dozen followers whom I have absolutely no clue who they are.

Stalkers? Probley.. Not so sexy because it could possibly be a fake name/picture/person. Imagine a computer somewhere in bum-fuck egypt and some really ugly creepy dude following me.

So... as I sit here staring at this line where only a 140 characters can bare my heart and soul. Aaron goes up to me and says "oh... Katie... why?????" 

Please tell me what I'm suppost to do with this thing. I "tweeked" it to look not so blah, but what am I suppost to say?

My ass itches?

Darrell is picking his nose?

Going to sleep?

Oh wait, I do that on Facebook. 

Follow me if you want, just ignore the creepy homicidal dudes. 

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star... oh wait, this shit doesn't work.

Why is it when you're a kid, you never want to sleep. Bed-time is the forbidden zone where you fight, scream, negotiate and wrangle your way out of it. But when you're an adult, sleep is a luxury. Especially after you had those said kids who will give their souls for an extra hour out of bed. 

Of course, as an adult. We have additives in our lives that keep us awake. ie. Coffee, energy drinks, tea, cold showers, work, sex. So, ultimately, it's our own fault for not getting the correct amount of sleep that we need. 

This philosophical point comes from...

My kid not wanting to go to bed.

A thousand and two kisses and hugs, asking if he can have 2 gallons of milk, juice, water, beer. Getting up, sitting down. Going to give the cat a kiss goodnight... oh wait, he forgot to give it a hug. Then back down. Then he forgot to give the fishie a hug and kiss... and oh wait, don't forget about Aaron. And then the juice, and then the questions. 

Why is the walls white? Because they are Darrell, go to sleep. Why do we sleep? Because we need sleep to live Darrell. Why do we live? Because God gave us life Darrell, now go to sleep. Then the God questions. 

Sometimes I wish I could duct tape him to a wall.

And then I remember that's illegal and unsafe.

Then I wonder why some people are allowed to breed.

See where my kid's questions come from?

Wordless Wednesday - Good parts in life

Link

You often have to look for them to find them. But there are good parts in life.

Birthday Party

A solution that will ultimately equal fun no matter what circumstances.

Cake

Pizza

Water Balloons

Camp Fire with Smores

Good Friends

And a little boy turning 4.

1460 Days Old

Uncomfortable sticky mess, I was laying there looking at gummy bears wishing that I had a steak. Dad was sitting next to me watching a hockey game, hoping for a win. In more ways that one. Grandma had made some phone calls, been back for a little while. Your Aunt standing there restlessly making sure that they don’t make anymore mistakes. I felt pain,  a kick. Everything got so loud and bright. The room before being a dim relaxing spot became busy. Your heartbeat drop to a dangerous point and all your dad could do was do what he does best. Save us. He screamed for the nurse, all I could see was faces, everywhere. A mask was put on me, I started blacking out. We were rushed into a room, with a lot of needles. I kept talking, I don’t remember what I was talking about. They laid me down, put a cover on me. Your dad kept telling me it was going to be okay. I tried to believe him but it was the scariest moment of my life.

You were born.

The love for one’s child grows each day. It’s not just a switch of a light where you look at this being and all the world makes sense. It’s the complete opposite. Nothing makes sense, no control. This love, never ending love just keeps growing. Pure nature. Thinking that when you were born, you were saved. But truthfully, you have saved me.

As much as you are who you are, I never want you to change. I never want you to know pain or hate or greed. Stay true to who you are, never let anyone down. Care for those who love you and don’t love you. Because the ones who don’t, need it the most. Take the time and remember those who have stood by you all these years, never forget those who we have lost. You have so much strength and courage, don’t ever stop.

Never stop.

Watching you sleep, hearing your heartbeat is the most peaceful moment in the world. Twitching slight, sprawled out however you want to.

You run by the beat of your own drum. Energy and happiness surges through your veins. Never a jealous, angry, hateful thought in your mind. You love everything and anyone unconditionally. Forgiving so much for so little years.

The smile radiates across your face. Oh, that smile. I imagine that one day, a lucky lady will fall in love with that smile just as much as I have. So big, so honest.

Words that have been said over and over again, and they never get old… I love you son.

Happy forth birthday.

Thank you!

On Thursday I received a award by a LeeAnn at The Life of Rylie... and Bryce too!

She's such a sweet lady and her children are adorable. LeeAnn is one, and maybe only woman, I know that has convinced her husband that blogging isn't a cult. And we're not some angry women who hate men and bitch about the dishes.  (oops, that's just me) 

Who else can have their husband hug a cute little stuffed animal like it's Christmas?

Here is how this award works:
•To receive this award, promise to share this with 10 other BLOGS that you think are Trendy too.
•Post about your award in your blog.
•List your Top 10 Trendy Blogs.
•Share with them.
•Leave a link to the Trendy Blog Button.
•Tell them they need to give this award out to 10 as well.

I am passing this award on to these 10 blogs that I think are trendy: 

Lemons to Lemonade

Punk Rock Mamma

Just Hide the Dishes in the Dryer

This Lovely Life

Twenty Little Toes

The litany of Brittiany 

Mom's the Glue

Adventures in Mommywood

Nomies Eco Ware

Skinned Knees

Thirteen Thursday- Blogging Rocks

Ok… it’s 11:43pm here and Thursday isn’t over.

I am so not cheating.

13 reasons why blogging is rocks my socks!

1. We get to speak our mind without look at people in the eye. It so helps.
 

2. It truly gets us away from the kids. Computer coma is great.
 

3. F-ing around with your blog page is more stressing than trying to design the white house dining room but it’s so worth it.
 

4. You can totally put some picture of yourself up on here to make you look hot and wild. But you’re actually a strung out mom drinking coffee out of the pot.
 

5. Reading blog posts where woman are pissed off at someone are better than watching a soap opera. It gets better at each comment.
 

6. Learning about different products and how much some of them suck. I wish I did this three years ago.
 

7. It’s like a 24/7 party and it never ends.
 

8. You don’t have to drag around a huge wad of pictures with you to show off your kids. Just click post!
 

9. Never in my life have I learned so much about html. And it rocks to the point where I’m thinking about doing this for a career.
 

10. You
 

11. Girls
 

12.  Are

13 .AWESOME!

Wordless Wednesday - A Day at the Playground

I'll be the first to say this...

My header sucks.

I've been fooling around with this thing for the past two days.

Does anyone of anyone who can do headers for cheap? 

Like so cheap it doesn't cost money?

I don't make any money off of this blog. Seriously.

I'll be your slave for a day... if you like a lazy one who complains and sits there all day drinking coffee.

I don't need the whole blog re-done. I'm working on that as we speak. Literly.

But I do need help with the header.

Sooo...

Help?

 

***UPDATE***

I found Scrapblog which I think is the best thing known to man... except toliet paper and the internet.

I redid the header. I don't have Lucy on there anymore but I do have a birdie. 

His name is Frank.

Say hi to Frank, I think he's gonna stick around for a while. 

Why did the chicken cross the road?

I’m not really sure if I should post this.

It’s pretty damned disgusting.

Ok… I’m going to link it back, so I don’t wreck havoc on everyone’s readers.

Here

It’s a chicken wing. I live in Buffalo, NY. It’s a daily thing here.

But if you notice on top of it…

Feathers.

Yes… feathers.

I called the pizza place, shaking on the phone. If you recognize the place by the box, this happened in the one in Hamburg not Orchard Park. I've been going to the one in O.P. since I was seven.

Never in my LIFE have I come across this.

If I had bitched harder then it would have been bad.  But I didn’t. I know how it is in food service, sometimes things go unnoticed. It was 90 degrees in Western NY today, we’re not use to the heat.

But FEATHERS?!

Ew.

One Awesome Dude

Being drafted, Being touched by the Goddess, big red monster is in town, Bitchy witchy week, Blowing a fuse, Chocolate time, [The] circus is closed, the monkey has a nosebleed, Code red Cork Cousin Tom Curse, the a woman Cycle[The] dam has burst Devil days Dot, the  Drainage Driving in a red car End of sentence Estrogen poisoning  Feminine biology Floodgates open up Getting my monthly subscription in the mail Go with the flow  Gruesome week  Having mechanical difficulties Her lady business High tide Issue I'm closed for maintenance  Little Red Riding Hood is making her way through the woods Magic of the month Midol season  Monthly visitor No-go zone  On the dot  Raggin'  Rosie Red That time

Whatever you want to call it. It sucks. Balls.

The type of sucks that you just want to curl up into a ball for a week, eat 20 gallons of ice cream and have the bathroom right next to you at all times.

When I got my “insert phrase here” at 11, my grandmother gave me a rag and told me where to put it.

I was horrified.

My dad on the other hand, I think he had a nervous breakdown. A 11 year old should not be getting her “insert phrase here” at that age. He wasn’t ready for this, I think he thought that I would never get it. Maybe blissfully going into adulthood never having to worry about the “talk” or “insert phrase here”.

Being the great and wonderful dad he was… he went and got pads for me.

And from that day on, I forever think that “real men” take care of their women in that sort of way. When there down at the barest, vulnerable to the world.

The other day… I get my “insert phrase here”. About a week early. Aaron was doing the “I’m not a dad yet” dance and twirling around the room while I was trying to fend off my 3 year old from seeing this shit.

The last thing I need to hear is “MOMMMYY YOUR BLEEDIN’!!!???  I’LL GET YOU A BAND-AID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

So after throwing various things… and a hair dryer out the door. Aaron got the drift. I was in need…

So he came back with this…

My eyes bulged out of my head.

WHAT am I going to do with all of these??!! Did he expect me to use them ALL!?

Then I realized it was just a box with the normal baggage inside… with Always Infinity samples.

So Aaron gets this.

Because he’s a Awesome dude.

I'm a complete moron

So I'm totally the type of person to be the last one to notice that there's a party going on.

It could be right across the street, a dozen invitations stuck underneath my door, and I'm obliviously eating chips and dip watching a Ghost Hunters marathon.

And I never have anything cute to wear.

But I'm joining this one.

Here's some of my best worst material. Check it out if you dare. 

I didn't know 1800collect still existed

Things every renter should know

Ode to the Death of a Sex Life

Let our kids go!

Today I fell upon this little doozy. Brings me to the ultimate question, where did the human trait of common sense go? We live about 20 minutes from a little town called Angola, New York. Look it up on a map, it's pretty damn small.

This is the place where I met my son's father, and I know pretty much everyone in the community and he does. Every day in the summertime the neighborhood kids walk the 2 or 3 blocks to the playground at the elementary school. By themselves. Stupid? I don't think so.

When I first had the question asked by Darrell last summer if he could go to the playground with a group of kids around. I was nervous and asked a lot of questions. So did the other parents, my friends, but we let them go.

They came home fine. Dirty and filled with stories.

Going there a few times, I saw the beauty of it in action. The bigger kids, around 10 or 11, make sure that the little kids, 3-5, don't get hurt. No babysitting but a watchful eye. They hang out on the most top of the playground, calling it their "fort". Similar to no boys allowed but the cute boys could hang around. The kids pushed the other on a swing, if they couldn't do it themselves. They took turns and all way right with the world.

So what happened to the 50's suburbia where the kids went out to play and the adults sat on their porches and socialized? No, not with cell phones or twitter, actually talking.

Unfortunately, we now live in an area where there's a lot of traffic and the playground is a few miles away. I often take my son to the playground in this town, but I still see kids who just show up and then leave before the lights come on. 

I know there is a huge risk of sex offenders in every area, I know. But isn't it common sense for a young kid not to trust a strange adult? The first thing we teach kids in elementary school, don't talk to strangers.

And then there's the over dramatization of strangers. My boyfriend was sitting in our car while we were at the local playground one day talking on the phone to his dad about his rounds of chemo. A personal conversation that he chose not to have in public. Darrell and I were playing on the slide and I noticed a bunch of adults talking in a bunch, pointing to our car. We got down, trying to figure out what was going on. Then one of the parents went over to the car, rapidly knocking on the window. I found out later that he was interrogated, why he was there, why he was sitting in the car by himself. They honestly thought that he was a preditor.

It took a while for us to go back there.

So my question is... at what age do we start trusting our own kids? When do we start trusting ourselves to let our children grow to the point where they can ride their bike outside, alone?

It's a hefty question, but I hope that people start waking up and seeing that the world is bad, yes. But we have sheltered our kids to the point where all they want to is sit inside. Not socialize face-to-face and the computer is their only friend.

Thirteen things you wish you didn't know about me

The increasing amount of viewers, followers and readers to this site (THANK YOU!!!!) wants my brain to tell you 13 things you wish you didn't know about me.

I have absolute no control over this thing.

1.)I have 2 Tattoos and counting. My best friend’s husband is a tattoo artist and I’ve been addicted for the past few years on these things. My first one was a Celtic knot on the back of my neck and the second is a sunshine similar to the band Godsmack’s symbol.

  2.)My son is named after his great-uncle, Darrell, who passed away in 2005. Then his middle name is after my father, Alan, who also passed away in 2005. I really wanted to name him Lucius after Lucius Malfoy from Harry Potter but his dad wouldn’t let me.

3.) I have a problem with people chewing loudly. It completely interrupts my ability to think when people are chewing like cows. Like, if it’s bad enough, I’ll leave the room. So… I would of never of survived the renaissance age.

4.) Unless you’ve visited my Face book page, there are no real pictures of me on this blog. Why? I think I’m hideous, but mainly because I’m usually behind the camera.

 5.) I consider myself a gigantic dork. I own every Harry Potter book and movie, except for the last (Obviously). Yes, I was one of “those” people standing in line at midnight with a witch hat on. I’m also a Twilight junkie. If I ever see Robert Patterson in real life, I’m going to smack him for making Bella a vampire.

6.) My pregnancy with my son wasn’t a good one. I’m going to flat out admit it. Morning sickness up the ass and never being able to lay down without peeing myself.

7.) You know the stupid friend who sits alone in the middle of the dark watching a million Horror movies by herself, and then calling you because her cat meowed and she thinks it‘s the boogie man??? Yes, that’s me. Zombie movies are the best, but old fashion slashers are awesome.

8.)I drink coffee everyday. At least one cup. Then I substitute that with energy drinks. Mmmm… Monster. I sometimes sleep.

9.) Becoming a mama never made me leave my music of choice. Darrell often rocks out in the back seat to Disturbed and Slipknot. And we have a on going argument who the band is for the Iron Man song. HE thinks it’s Metallica, but I KNOW it’s Ozzy!!!

10.) My best friend is a carnie aka Carnival Worker. She travels, puts up and tears down carnival rides. Also, she’s a bad-ass mama. I love her and her family to death. 

 11.) My family is small, but loving. We’ve lost a lot of family members along the way but it’s all made me realize blood is strong, but love is stronger.

12.) I like cats. A lot. If it wasn’t for Aaron, I’d be the freaky cat lady living with each one named and a birthday. Rayne does have a birthday but if I had my way, it’d come with catnip cake and birthday hats.

13.) Ok, so by now I've probably scared everyone off.. I’m a tattoo, dorky mom who listens to metal music. I don’t wear all black!!!! And Emo kids piss me off. I want to hug them just to make ‘em squirm.

Wordless Wednesday - They get their licence young now.

This picture is from '08. 1. He's bigger now. 2. I need to start taking more pictures.

Lord of the Fish

Never would I have thought that shopping for a fish and getting it home would be like getting the ring back to Mordor.

Chrissy and I landed at Pet-co after leaving the boys behind with our friend Scott.

Mikey's nickname is Ketchup-boy for a reason.

After wandering the place for it seemed like an hour but it was only 15 minutes. I finally decided on which tank to get, which gravel and what I needed for this.

We (I brought her along for a reason people!) decided on the Tetra Water Wonders tank. It’s easy to put together and easy to maintain. A 1.5 gallon to be exact.

The one major thing I got pissed off on regarding this entire process was how much LACK of help there was from the employees. I had to track down someone to get me a fish, I specifically asked some basic questions. And I got LAUGHED at.

How many fish can go in this fish tank?

*evil laughter*

It looks like on the box there can be 6 or 7 little ones.

The picture is bullshit.

Well what about a goldfish?

How many we’re you thinking?

So the chosen one was the twin-tailed gold fish. Simple, big, something that can be easily replaced without the knowing of a little one.

I asked the guy how long can they last in the baggie? He said about 45 minutes.

Chrissy decided to be her carnie self, which I adore and love about her. HAD to mention the little fishie stand at the carnival. Those poor things! Half of them are dead by the end of the day because of being in the bags for so long.

So I reconsidered but decided to keep going.

We ended up going to Walmart for a good 20 minutes.

 (WTF is with customer service nowadays? It took me another 10 minutes to ask someone where the necklace chain extenders were. Ending up finding out that they were all out and had to buy a cheapo necklace for the extender. Didn’t realize it was a Twilight-Werewolf charm necklace until I got to the checkout. SCORE!)

Fish is still alive after trip to Walmart.

Ended up staying until 10pm at Chrissys after getting dinner and calming down the boys.

The best part is Darrell’s face when he saw it. I haven’t seen him that happy in a LONG time.

 Getting this kid to smile without a funny face is like pulling teeth.

We transplanted it into a mini fish bowl for the short time we were there. Meanwhile, Darrell didn’t move at least 5 feet from “Diego”. He SWEARS it’s a he-she. Seeing him kissing the bowl and telling the fish how much he loved him made it to one of those levels. Making sure the fish was still okay, checking on it every 5 minutes. 

Then the 45 min ride home from Lockport and the mini-hotel stay in the bathroom so Rayne doesn’t EAT the thing

“Diego” is alive and well.

Tuesday Tag Along

Here's another addition to Tuesday Tag-Along. I can't wait to meet all the new entries!

Here's how it works:

• Create a new Tuesday Tag-Along blog post. Include the Tuesday Tag-Along button by copying and pasting the code above. (You are also welcome to copy and paste these instructions in their entirety, or any portion of this Tuesday Tag-Along blog post!)
• Add your blog name and the URL of your TTA post to the MckLinky below.
• Follow Twee Poppets, the hostess blog listed in the first slot. Twee Poppets will follow you back! (Note: If you want Twee Poppets to follow you back, you MUST leave her a comment saying that you are a new follower and leave a link to your blog!)
• If you can, please follow the blogs in the three slots before you (e.g., if you're number 20, follow numbers 19, 18, and 17). This is not mandatory, but it will help ensure that everyone who signs up gets a few new followers!
• Follow as many other blogs as you want. The more you follow, the more that will follow you back! Be sure to tell them that you're following from Tuesday Tag-Along! You may also want to leave a link to your blog so they can return your follow more easily.
• When you get a new follower through Tuesday Tag-Along, be sure to follow them back! It's just common courtesy. :)

The weekly Tuesday Tag-Along MckLinky opens every Monday night at 8:59pm Pacific Standard Time (that's 11:59pm Eastern Standard Time), and the TTA blog post will be posted well in advance of that time. The MckLinky will be open to add your blog until 11:59pm Tuesday night. You then have all week long to visit blogs and return follows!

There is a new list every week. The link you enter one week will not carry over to the next week's MckLinky. Please link up again each week to join in the fun!

Will it flush the fish??????

Tomorrow my BFF and I are going to get monster a early birthday present.

Not to early, his b-day is the 30th.

Having 3 birthday parties already planned, why not spoil the kid more.

We're getting fish. Not alot of fish but some. A small 1.5 gallon fish tank. Modest and able to replace the fishies.

If they decided to go here

Link

The mechanics are explained easily on this tank. But what happens if I accidently flush the fish?????

A early ending for goldie. 

Or me scooping my hands in the bowl desperately to get the poor things out.

 Hopefully everything was already taken care of and in the sewage system before hand.

Ewwwww.