1460 Days Old

Uncomfortable sticky mess, I was laying there looking at gummy bears wishing that I had a steak. Dad was sitting next to me watching a hockey game, hoping for a win. In more ways that one. Grandma had made some phone calls, been back for a little while. Your Aunt standing there restlessly making sure that they don’t make anymore mistakes. I felt pain,  a kick. Everything got so loud and bright. The room before being a dim relaxing spot became busy. Your heartbeat drop to a dangerous point and all your dad could do was do what he does best. Save us. He screamed for the nurse, all I could see was faces, everywhere. A mask was put on me, I started blacking out. We were rushed into a room, with a lot of needles. I kept talking, I don’t remember what I was talking about. They laid me down, put a cover on me. Your dad kept telling me it was going to be okay. I tried to believe him but it was the scariest moment of my life.

You were born.

The love for one’s child grows each day. It’s not just a switch of a light where you look at this being and all the world makes sense. It’s the complete opposite. Nothing makes sense, no control. This love, never ending love just keeps growing. Pure nature. Thinking that when you were born, you were saved. But truthfully, you have saved me.

As much as you are who you are, I never want you to change. I never want you to know pain or hate or greed. Stay true to who you are, never let anyone down. Care for those who love you and don’t love you. Because the ones who don’t, need it the most. Take the time and remember those who have stood by you all these years, never forget those who we have lost. You have so much strength and courage, don’t ever stop.

Never stop.

Watching you sleep, hearing your heartbeat is the most peaceful moment in the world. Twitching slight, sprawled out however you want to.

You run by the beat of your own drum. Energy and happiness surges through your veins. Never a jealous, angry, hateful thought in your mind. You love everything and anyone unconditionally. Forgiving so much for so little years.

The smile radiates across your face. Oh, that smile. I imagine that one day, a lucky lady will fall in love with that smile just as much as I have. So big, so honest.

Words that have been said over and over again, and they never get old… I love you son.

Happy forth birthday.